Tuesday, May 10

A little steam, a slow pull, and that envelope would open

For the average person, this wouldn't even be an issue. My integrity is super important to me, though, and I seem to find moral dilemmas in the oddest of places.

I gave out my reference forms for my DTS, and two out of the three have been returned via post because I had them addressed wrong. The third one will come back too, if my pastor ever sends it off.

When the first one came back in the mail a couple of weeks ago, I immediately wanted to open it and read what my "second mom" said about me. But I quickly remembered that I had signed the top of it, stating that I waived my right to look at the form after it had been filled out. I am pretty sure that Judy would not care if I did read it. She is pretty open about what she thinks my flaws are. I am sure it would be nothing I didn't know already.

Today I checked my post box and the form I had given to my close friend, Dave, came back. Dave used to be my boss when I worked at the PAX station, and he has been nothing but honest about what he thinks of me. Part of me wants to read what he wrote about me though. There's an air of mystery about this man. He's an amazing person, having spent a lot of time listening to me grumble, cry and emote, but he does hold himself back from me sometimes. Which is where the "mystery" comes in to play. It leaves me wanting to crack open that wall and find out the truth about what he is thinking. Of course, I am completely respectful and would never push him to share more than he would share on his own, unless I felt that God was impressing upon me to prod further. It's not like I don't know what he thinks of me, but it's just the security of seeing it written on paper to total strangers. Lord knows I can't just ask him to tell me what he really thinks of me. He'd freak. I just know he'd freak. And I can't say I would blame him, because that would be something the typical, lame girl does. I am above such things, but I sure will consider it for a moment. Haha! The bottom line is, if I read what Dave wrote, I would have to tell him, because if I didn't that would be essentially lying. I signed my name saying that I wouldn't read the paper, and I am a woman of my word.

Plus, I have the accuountability thing to keep me in line since Dave or Judy may read this. Hee hee hee.

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