Monday, February 19

Friday, February 16

It bothers me when...

the only compliments from people I get are "You have totally lost weight", "You look so waify", and my favorite "You look so hot now."


Muthawhat?! I always bring the hotness. Straight up.

Betta recognize.

No seriously. It does bother me. I mean, sure I like being complimented. Every woman likes to feel beautiful.

But compliment me on something else too. Okay? Cause if all I hear from you is how I look, it just makes me feel... cheap.

Thursday, February 15

Saturday, February 10

Friday, February 9

Spoken For

As I was driving home tonight, I heard a song on the radio and the song was titled "Spoken For." Here's some of the lyrics:

Covered by your love divine

Child of the risen Lord

To hear you say "This one's mine"

My heart is spoken for

By the power of the cross

You've taken what was lost

And made it fully yours

And I have been redeemed

By you that spoke to me

Now I am spoken for

Anyway, it got me to thinking...

If Jesus paid the price for me, and I am really “spoken for” by him, I can't just go around giving my heart away.

In the olden days, if a woman was spoken for, no man best touch dat.

When Joseph was just engaged to Mary and he found out she was pregnant, he was going to have to divorce her. They weren’t even married yet.

My heart is his (God’s) until he deems it the right time to give it to another man.

See, I have spent so much time giving my heart to men that weren't worthy of it.

When I dated John, the guy from Seattle, I was really lonely and I let him have my heart even though we were so not right for each other.

After that relationship, I know what it is like to be used. And thrown away because the guy didn’t get what he wanted.

That sucked.

But see, I have stopped giving my heart away like that. Even with Ben last year, I didn’t give him my heart. I liked him. I let him pursue me. Told him I loved him. We talked about marriage and he supposedly put a down payment on a ring.

But my heart? I’m not sure he got that. And I never got a ring… I hope he got his money back.

No one should have my heart until the time is right.

I don’t want to go giving away something that isn’t mine to give away. My heart is in Jesus’ hands now; I know I can trust him with it.

So I will.

Oh, it’s gonna be hard to trust him. But tonight in the car, I felt him really speaking to me about this matter.

Preparing? Warning? What?

We shall see.

Wednesday, February 7

Check it out.

New hair and a smug smile.

Friday, February 2

Shibibble Flazzle.

It's 2am, and I am chillin' in the basement with Chad. Well, I am online looking at stuff: jobs in Colorado, emails, and friends' profiles on myspace. Sophie was in here earlier meowing and wanting attention. It smells like fresh laundry, or dryer sheets, because the laundry room is down here and coffee because I am still in my work clothes. I just drank a half coffee cup of flat Mountain Dew (not Diet, cause Chad would kick my butt if I even touched his Diet Mountain Dew bottles.) and I am listening to him clicking on things on his computer screen and the soundcard causing beeps to flow out of the speakers. ( I don't care if that was the correct explanation. Work with me.) He is listening to some geekery radio show that makes me laugh. A plethora of empty 2-litre pop bottles parades out of the wire trash can, and looking at it, I laugh to myself. He and I both are stupid addicted to caffeine. I think of Christy and how adorable she looked tonight, walking around half asleep and ready for bed. I want to go to bed, but I know if I did, I would just lay there awake for two hours. And giving up in exasperation, I would just end up reading one of my psychobabble books about being the child of an alcoholic. Those seem to put me to sleep. Some of what the books say are good, but I just don't feel like reading anything like that tonight. I wonder what I am going to wear to "The Intranational Day of Pretense" celebration here on Saturday night. Any pretentious suggestions??