Sunday, July 29

My dad's obituary

In case anyone wants to read it. I think my mom or my aunt wrote it.

I think it's funny the things we put into obituaries. Do these little accomplishments really matter?

This is so sad. Just when I started building a relationship with my dad, he dies.

I really will miss him.

Saturday, July 28

Ministry Team verses for me

The ministry team from the YWAM base prayed over me the other day and they got amazing words for me. I wanted to post them here because, in this time of grief, I need to remember who God is and what he has done for me.

Jeremiah 31: 21-22 MSG "Set up signposts to mark your trip home. Get a good map. Study the road conditions. The road out is the road back. Come back, dear virgin Israel, come back to your hometowns. How long will you flit here and there, indecisive? How long before you make up your fickle mind? God will create a new thing in this land: A transformed woman will embrace the transforming God!"

Jeremiah 31:21 NKJV "Set up signposts,
Make landmarks;
Set your heart toward the highway,
The way in which you went.
Turn back, O virgin of Israel,
Turn back to these your cities."

Jeremiah 31: 3-6 NLT "Long ago the Lord said to Israel: 'I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself. I will rebuild you, my virgin Israel.
You will again be happy and dance merrily with your tambourines. Again you will plant your vineyards on the mountains of Samaria and eat from your own gardens there.' The day will come when watchmen will shout from the hill country of Ephraim, 'Come, let us go up to Jerusalem to worship the Lord our God. ' "

2 Chronicles 9 NLT
Visit of the Queen of Sheba

1 When the queen of Sheba heard of Solomon’s fame, she came to Jerusalem to test him with hard questions. She arrived with a large group of attendants and a great caravan of camels loaded with spices, large quantities of gold, and precious jewels. When she met with Solomon, she talked with him about everything she had on her mind. 2 Solomon had answers for all her questions; nothing was too hard for him to explain to her. 3 When the queen of Sheba realized how wise Solomon was, and when she saw the palace he had built, 4 she was overwhelmed. She was also amazed at the food on his tables, the organization of his officials and their splendid clothing, the cup-bearers and their robes, and the burnt offerings Solomon made at the Temple of the Lord.
5 She exclaimed to the king, “Everything I heard in my country about your achievements and wisdom is true! 6 I didn’t believe what was said until I arrived here and saw it with my own eyes. In fact, I had not heard the half of your great wisdom! It is far beyond what I was told. 7 How happy your people must be! What a privilege for your officials to stand here day after day, listening to your wisdom! 8 Praise the Lord your God, who delights in you and has placed you on the throne as king to rule for him. Because God loves Israel and desires this kingdom to last forever, he has made you king over them so you can rule with justice and righteousness.”
9 Then she gave the king a gift of 9,000 pounds of gold, great quantities of spices, and precious jewels. Never before had there been spices as fine as those the queen of Sheba gave to King Solomon.
10 (In addition, the crews of Hiram and Solomon brought gold from Ophir, and they also brought red sandalwood and precious jewels. 11 The king used the sandalwood to make steps for the Temple of the Lord and the royal palace, and to construct lyres and harps for the musicians. Never before had such beautiful things been seen in Judah.)
12 King Solomon gave the queen of Sheba whatever she asked for—gifts of greater value than the gifts she had given him. Then she and all her attendants returned to their own land.

Three things:
  • Ask the hard questions
  • See what he has done
  • Expect his provision
Psalm 118 NIrV
1 Give thanks to the Lord, because he is good.
His faithful love continues forever.
2 Let the people of Israel say,
"His faithful love continues forever."
3 Let the priests of Aaron say,
"His faithful love continues forever."
4 Let those who have respect for the Lord say,
"His faithful love continues forever."
5 When I was in great pain, I cried out to the Lord.
He answered me and set me free.
6 The Lord is with me. I will not be afraid.
What can mere men do to me?
7 The Lord is with me. He helps me.
I will win the battle over my enemies.
8 It is better to go to the Lord for safety
than to trust in mere men.
9 It is better to go to the Lord for safety
than to trust in human leaders.
10 The nations were all around me.
But by the Lord's power I destroyed them.
11 They were around me on every side.
But by the Lord's power I destroyed them.
12 They attacked me like large numbers of bees.
But they died out as quickly as burning thorns.
By the Lord's power I destroyed them.
13 I was pushed back. I was about to be killed.
But the Lord helped me.
14 The Lord gives me strength. I sing about him.
He has saved me.
15 Shouts of joy ring out in the tents of godly people.
They praise him for his help in battle.
They shout, "The Lord's powerful right hand has done mighty things!
16 The Lord's powerful right hand has won the battle!
The Lord's powerful right hand has done mighty things!"
17 I will not die. I will live.
I will talk about what the Lord has done.
18 The Lord has really punished me.
But he didn't let me die.
19 Open the gates of the temple for me.
I will enter and give thanks to the Lord.
20 This is the gate of the Lord.
Only those who do what is right can go through it.
21 Lord, I will give thanks to you, because you answered me.
You have saved me.
22 The stone the builders didn't accept [what]
has become the most important stone of all.
23 The Lord has done it.
It is wonderful in our eyes.
24 The Lord has done it on this day.
Let us be joyful and glad in it.
25 Lord, save us.
Lord, give us success.
26 Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord.
From the temple of the Lord we bless you.
27 The Lord is God.
He has made the light of his favor shine on us.
Take branches in your hands. Join in the march on the day of the feast.
March up to the corners of the altar.
28 You are my God, and I will give thanks to you.
You are my God, and I will honor you.
29 Give thanks to the Lord, because he is good.
His faithful love continues forever.

Psalm 91 1-13You who sit down in the High God's presence, spend the night in Shaddai's shadow,
Say this: "God, you're my refuge.
I trust in you and I'm safe!"
That's right—he rescues you from hidden traps,
shields you from deadly hazards.
His huge outstretched arms protect you—
under them you're perfectly safe;
his arms fend off all harm.
Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night,
not flying arrows in the day,
Not disease that prowls through the darkness,
not disaster that erupts at high noon.
Even though others succumb all around,
drop like flies right and left,
no harm will even graze you.
You'll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance,
watch the wicked turn into corpses.
Yes, because God's your refuge,
the High God your very own home,
Evil can't get close to you,
harm can't get through the door.
He ordered his angels
to guard you wherever you go.
If you stumble, they'll catch you;
their job is to keep you from falling.
You'll walk unharmed among lions and snakes,
and kick young lions and serpents from the path.
14-16 "If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,
"I'll get you out of any trouble.
I'll give you the best of care
if you'll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I'll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I'll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!"

There was also talk about my name and what it means. God gave it to me and it is who I am.

One girl saw me wrapped in a blanket as we were praying, she said it means that God has rest for me.

Justin said it means I was a Megan burrito. :)

Thank you Jesus for speaking to me. I love you!

Friday, July 20

I'm sad that I'm flying

So, a lot has happened these past couple of weeks. I have officially decided to move back to Ohio, and the plans have begun. I received a grant from work to move back. And I am so excited! I really am praying that God would guide me to a car and a place to live back in the buckeye state.

I got word from my mom a couple of days ago that my dad has been given only a few days to live. The cancer has spread and he is really drugged up and has trouble recognizing people sometimes. They are keeping him comfortable at least.

I have been crying for two days. Off and on, but I will just randomly burst into sobs thinking about the fact that I really don't want my dad to die yet. But if it's his time to go, I can't be selfish wanting him to stay here on earth when he would be miserable.

At least Justin and I saw him when we were driving out here. I kind of knew it was going to be the last time I saw him. There's no way I can make it back to Indiana before he dies to be with him. The only money I have is from the grant and it won't even cover the move completely. I swear, I am so done with my life being like this.


God, please take care of my dad and help him to make peace with you before he dies. I trust that you will take care of him. I really need a car and a place to live when I get back to Ohio. Will you provide that for me please? I am going to need a second job to pay rent, and I would like a nannying job to work with kids again, and I am asking you to guide me to the perfect family. Just work it out, dude. I know you've got my best in mind and you'll handle it.

Tuesday, July 3

It's all relative

So, in the past two weeks I have crashed, burned and rebuilt myself.

Colorado is beautiful. I love it here, but it's just not working out. Sometimes I hate it.

The truth is I am running myself into the ground financially. If I stay here, my friendship with Becca will be ruined. She definitely doesn't like me being here after all. We had dinner a couple of weeks ago and she basically said she doesn't think this time of us living together was as fun as the last time. Which really hurt me. I think that made me just frustrated.

And made me think, "What is my problem?" Why is all this so hard? Why is life so frickin' ridiculous?"

It has been so hard adjusting here. I mean, give a girl a break people! I am an emotional person. I 've had a few bad days, for sure. I can't deal with all of this stuff sometimes. Stuff of life.

And that's the way it is.

So Becca was gone last week, and I was in love with having the place to myself. Truthfully, I kind of missed her but I wasn't excited for her to come back. And that's when I knew something wasn't quite right.

We haven't been able to find roommates for our apartment. We've been sharing a car and being together all the time. Which shouldn't be that much of a problem considering our friendship is so awesome. But it has been. A problem.

She said that she felt like she couldn't hang out with her friends without asking me to come along. I promptly told her that's not my problem cause I never put that expectation on her. Besides, I had said 'no' on some occasions to hanging out so I didn't really think that was fair cause she made that up on her own.

But I see how her life is going right now and I understand why she feels the way she does about me being here. She's just starting to build a life of her own and she is trying to find her way in the world. So, me being here from her old life in Ohio has been hard on her I think. I kind of understand because when my friend Lindsey moved to Ohio I remember it being hard on me because it was like my two lives were colliding. It was very tense at times.

Anyway, things have just been hard. But things with Justin and I have been amazing. He is quickly becoming the best friend I have. I can't believe we have grown so close in such a short amount of time. But I am so thankful for it.

And I have decided that if I am going to struggle this much in life. I am doing this crap and that's the way it is, then I want to do it where I can be near him. He's the one thing in my life not stressing me out right now. And I want to see where this relationship goes. I want to see what happens. I want to fight with him, make up with him, laugh with him and get to know him better.

I can't believe I spent all that time in the same city as him, sometimes living less than a mile from each other and not knowing it, and I didn't see how important he could become in my life. How important he is. We met last fall and didn't hang out for a long time. I had my "I'm going to be single for the rest of my life" pants on. And I had a crush or whatever on another guy in our group who was completely wrong for me. Ugh.

I'm really wierd.

But at least now I realize how dumb I was being.

So over the quarter life crisis bullcrap.

Get ready Ohio. Somehow I am coming back to you.