Sunday, August 17

God's Message to me last night.

Isaiah 60; Romans 8:19 (New Living Translation)

Future Glory for Jerusalem
1 “Arise, Jerusalem! Let your light shine for all to see. For the glory of the Lord rises to shine on you. 2 Darkness as black as night covers all the nations of the earth, but the glory of the Lord rises and appears over you. 3 All nations will come to your light; mighty kings will come to see your radiance.
4 “Look and see, for everyone is coming home! Your sons are coming from distant lands; your little daughters will be carried home. 5 Your eyes will shine, and your heart will thrill with joy, for merchants from around the world will come to you. They will bring you the wealth of many lands. 6 Vast caravans of camels will converge on you, the camels of Midian and Ephah. The people of Sheba will bring gold and frankincense and will come worshiping the Lord. 7 The flocks of Kedar will be given to you, and the rams of Nebaioth will be brought for my altars. I will accept their offerings, and I will make my Temple glorious.
8 “And what do I see flying like clouds to Israel, like doves to their nests? 9 They are ships from the ends of the earth, from lands that trust in me, led by the great ships of Tarshish. They are bringing the people of Israel home from far away, carrying their silver and gold. They will honor the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, for he has filled you with splendor.
10 “Foreigners will come to rebuild your towns, and their kings will serve you. For though I have destroyed you in my anger, I will now have mercy on you through my grace. 11 Your gates will stay open around the clock to receive the wealth of many lands. The kings of the world will be led as captives in a victory procession. 12 For the nations that refuse to serve you will be destroyed.
13 “The glory of Lebanon will be yours— the forests of cypress, fir, and pine— to beautify my sanctuary. My Temple will be glorious! 14 The descendants of your tormentors will come and bow before you. Those who despised you will kiss your feet. They will call you the City of the Lord, and Zion of the Holy One of Israel.
15 “Though you were once despised and hated, with no one traveling through you, I will make you beautiful forever, a joy to all generations. 16 Powerful kings and mighty nations will satisfy your every need, as though you were a child nursing at the breast of a queen. You will know at last that I, the Lord, am your Savior and your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Israel.[
a] 17 I will exchange your bronze for gold, your iron for silver, your wood for bronze, and your stones for iron. I will make peace your leader and righteousness your ruler. 18 Violence will disappear from your land; the desolation and destruction of war will end. Salvation will surround you like city walls, and praise will be on the lips of all who enter there.
19 “No longer will you need the sun to shine by day, nor the moon to give its light by night, for the Lord your God will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory. 20 Your sun will never set; your moon will not go down. For the Lord will be your everlasting light. Your days of mourning will come to an end. 21 All your people will be righteous. They will possess their land forever, for I will plant them there with my own hands in order to bring myself glory. 22 The smallest family will become a thousand people, and the tiniest group will become a mighty nation. At the right time, I, the Lord, will make it happen.”

Romans 8:19
19 For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are.

View commentary related to this passage
Their hopeful prospects under tribulations.

The sufferings of the saints strike no deeper than the things of time, last no longer than the present time, are light afflictions, and but for a moment. How vastly different are the sentence of the word and the sentiment of the world, concerning the sufferings of this present time! Indeed the whole creation seems to wait with earnest expectation for the period when the children of God shall be manifested in the glory prepared for them. There is an impurity, deformity, and infirmity,
which has come upon the creature by the fall of man. There is an enmity of one creature to another. And they are used, or abused rather, by men as instruments of sin. Yet this deplorable state of the creation is in hope. God will deliver it from thus being held in bondage to man's depravity. The miseries of the human race, through their own and each other's wickedness, declare that the world is not always to continue as it is. Our having received the first-fruits of the Spirit, quickens our
desires, encourages our hopes, and raises our expectations. Sin has been, and is, the guilty cause of all the suffering that exists in the creation of God. It has brought on the woes of earth; it has kindled the flames of hell. As to man, not a tear has been shed, not a groan has been uttered, not a pang has been felt, in body or mind, that has not come from sin. This is not all; sin is to be looked at as it affects the glory of God. Of this how fearfully regardless are the bulk of mankind!
Believers have been brought into a state of safety; but their comfort consists rather in hope than in enjoyment. From this hope they cannot be turned by the vain expectation of finding satisfaction in the things of time and sense. We need patience, our way is rough and long; but He that shall come, will come, though he seems to tarry. (Ro 8:26)

Thursday, August 14

Things don't magically get better.

Ever. Even with the amazing power of God in your life. It's the truth. They just stay the same or get worse I feel. I have a hard time seeing things getting better right now.

I hate feeling pain. It downright sucks. And I'm sick of feeling pain because I'v efelt it constantly in my heart for most of my life even if I am laughing and telling jokes. Even then. I'm hurting under the surface. The pain doesn't go away. And believe me, with the abuse I've suffered, I know pain.

I mean, crappy things keep happening to me that are out of my control. Is Satan trying to beat me down? Is my own sin and sad excuse for a life the reason this stuff keeps happening to me? Will I ever get beyond the feeling that I'm maybe ok, but just not good enough?

The truth is: God says I'm good enough. I know this... I tell people this, but do I believe it for myself when most people most of my life have told me I would never be good enough, never amount to anything?

Am I worthy of someone saying, "Megan, I like you just the way you are."? Am I worthy of being accepted besides the fact that I came from a white trash background? I mean, no one need hold my past against me, because every day I hold it against myself.

I constantly hear my parents words of disapproval echoing in my head. Even though they were sick. Even though I would never be good enough for them. Even though I couldn't be good enough because their respective illnesses wouldn't let me.

I spent most of my life with tons of people around me, and yet I felt so miserable and emotionally abandoned. And I am sick of it. But it won't leave.

When do I get to be good enough to be loved for who I am: good, bad and ugly?

If you hear when, would you please tell me?

Ugh, I am a deep ocean of melancholy under this awesome sense of humor.