Wednesday, August 30

Caramel is tasty

Pre-party coffee run. Frapps are pretty good.

The glow is self-imposed

Easy. Breezy. Beautiful. Not Cover Girl.

Me all gussied up for Katie's party.

Abbie did my hair and my make-up was Abbie's but done by myself.

Fresher skin. Shinier eyes.

My makeover.

New Make-up = Excitement and Adventure

This is a pic of my pretty eyeshadow from my Macy's Clinique makeover.

Tuesday, August 29

Reason #427 for blah blah blah

So, the party was cool. The best part? It was for a thirty year old woman that had never had a birthday party where the guest list was mostly friends. I still can't get over that. What the crap is wrong with parents, they can't give a kid a fun birthday party? I mean, she grew up in the burbs, not a third world country. What the jank?!

Anyway, by the end of the night, she was crying and totally overwhelmed with the love that everyone has for her to plan a big shendig like that. I mean, none of us would have done that work if we didn't have the love of God in our hearts. God's love. God's love for this beautiful woman. God's love for the hurting. I hope after this, she looks at birthdays differently and remembers how much God loves her. And that is the beauty of life.

I love my job at the coffee house. I get paid to make coffee all day! Who does that? How did I get this blessing? I mean, I'm stoked about it. I love it. I love being able to interact with people and love on them a little by taking extra care of them and their coffee. And I get to serve the other people on my team. It's pretty cool.

And I found out that I work with the bass player and songwriter of one of my favorite bands. Kinda makes the world a little smaller. It was good stuff. I enjoy moments of being able to put the six degrees of separation rule to the test. It owns.

I hurt my back somehow. I was in a lot of pain tonight. I cried. I hate it when I cry because I am in pain. It sucks. It makes me feel lonely.

I am sick of being surrounded by people and still feeling lonely. It really sucks.

I miss my mom for the first time in like years.

I really want to be hanging out with my DTS again. It went by too fast, and it is something I have longed for ever since.

I'm tired all of the time because my body is not used to being on my feet a lot yet and that really sucks.

Two double caramel no whip frapps? Yeah, I AM OFFICIALLY BACK ON CAFFEINE.

I love coffee, and coffee is the new tequila. Tequila was the new--- Uh... Hmmm. That's an interesting point.

Becca. You are my PLP. I miss you a lot.

Ohio's all right, but mostly because of the group I am chillin' with.

Check this out:

1 Samuel 20:30 (New Living Translation)

"Saul boiled with rage at Jonathan. 'You stupid son of a whore!' he swore at him. 'Do you think I don't know that you want David to be king in your place, shaming yourself and your mother?..."

And I really want to work on my book more, but it's jst not in me anymore to be in that place of pouring my soul and heart out. I don't know why. Stop asking me.

Sometimes things just are the way they are, but they're not the way they used to be and that makes you sad. But you don't necessarily want those old times back exactly, you just want that feeling you had at the time of the old time to be translated into the new time. And improved. With more bacon flavor. And 33% more cheese.

And sometimes you just need to stop typing random bullcrap into your blog and go to sleep. The time is now.

Friday, August 25

And the beat goes on...

So tomorrow we are having a siiiiiiiiicccckkk party at our house. Like at least 60 people are going to be here. C&C turned our garage into a cigar bar, our backyard into a BBQ and our house into a lounge. It's going to be a sweet party. One of our friends is turning 30, so all hands are on deck so to speak to get everything together for the shendig.

I havr mixed feelings about this thing. I have to be at work at SIX THIRTY Sunday morning. Which sucks because I was looking forward to this party like all year!! Plus, I won't get to hang with my friends like I wanted to. Oh well. Welcome to responsibility I guess.

And I talked to my mom. Evindently, my dad has COPD which is a lung disease that smokers get. It kind of sucks. I am thinking about this party right now and I think of my parents and I see that when my parents were this age partying every night they never thought that it would actually inhibit or kill them. I mean, who thinks that when they are in their twenties?

My dad probably didn't think that smoking would make him sick and unable to breathe. My mom never thought that overeating every day would make her so sick. They were killing themselves. Which more than likely, my friends will not be doing. I'm just saying. It made me think. And earlier we were putting some bottles of alcohol on the "bar" and my friend brought out a fifth of Jim Beam. It made me think of my dad. And all I saw him drink growing up. Even lately. It's just wierd sometimes how much seeing something from your painful past can trigger an emotional reaction.

At the sight of that bottle, I lost my breath. Yeah. I'm not kidding. I really just couldn't find my breath for a second. And I felt an emotional "I'm getting ready to bawl my eyes out" lump in my throat. Wierd.

Wednesday, August 23

Mmmmm Outreach

So, I am officially working at a coffee house, and I am pretty psyched about it. I am totally, officially, completely back on caffeine and trying all the flavors of coffee we have in our store. Frankly, I am just super glad to be back in the "working world" and surrounded by people that understand the volunteer work I have done. It's funny because these people aren't even Christians and they have done work in Russia in orphanages and among the homeless here in America. It was neat trading stories and experiences from our volunteer work.

I love the coffee house culture and I am excited to spend some time in an environment where getting to know people is the focus. I think that I can totally handle learning the stuff about coffee connoisseuring that I do not know. Anyway, I am excited to check this out and see how it goes.

I have been hanging out with the group here more and more and it's been pretty cool. I actually got into a hot button discussion with my friend last week; it was kind of wierd, because I still don't understand his logic on the issue. But it's not my responsibility to change people. I can only state my opinion. It's never my responsibility to make people see things my way. All I can do in any situation is speak the truth in love. And I tried to do my best to speak from my heart in this situation. But no one's perfect. Least of all me.

Parents are doing better which is good. They are both getting out of the hospital this week and I am very glad about that. I really pray that God and my mom throw down and she comes to the conclusion that this is her second lease on life. I am at peace with that. And her. And our relationship. My mom's pretty cool when she's not being crazy. Haha.

I love living here with Chad and Christy. It's a good group of people and a diverse group as well that we are dealing with, so at the very least things are interesting. I am enjoying being around everyone here and spending time with them as much as I can. It's ma blessing to be able to be a "normal" person for awhile. But what the heck is normal anyway? Right?

Normal is a load of crap anyway.

I haven't been feeling so emotionally needy lately, so I have been able to skip blogging as much as I did earlier this summer. Or this year for that matter. I have no idea what I am doing somedays. I am still looking for a full time job to add to the coffee house job, and the interview that I thought I would get I haven't heard anything about yet.

So, life goes on I guess. I'll wait and see what God has for me next. Right now I am working and saving and trying to get caught up financially so that I can do what I need to do in order to be ready if God calls me to something new. Which he may not do for awhile. And I am okay with that even though I really want to go on another outreach so badly I can taste it.

Wednesday, August 16


"Where have you been?" you ask.

Busy. Believe it or not.

So, I have a tentative job working at a coffee house. Which is cool because I get free coffee and coffee is the new tequila after all. I have a serious lead on another job at a prominent company in town, and I am really excited about it! I should/hope to hear this week whether or not I have an interview at said company.

My parents are doing all right. My mom has had two weeks of dialysis and can breathe much better than she could before. More than 60 lbs. of liquid has been taken off of her lungs and body during this time. She's a little nervous because she may have to do this for the rest of her life. I mean, it does kind of inconvenience anyone to have to go to the hospital every weeka dn do that! So, she's a little scared time is flying by for her, and she is really afraid of dying. As most are.

Anyway, my dad is great. Going through physical therapy and getting stronger. Gaining weight, which is good. Not drinking: we're on a roll! He's not self-destructing right now which is good. He's somewhere getting help and that is good too. He just goes into a stupor when he drinks. It makes me nervous. He goes all suicidal and stuff. No good.

I am doing really well in the group I am in. I am happy to be here and happy to be in the company I have. It seems God brought me here for a reason, but I am just not sure for how long. I am willing to commit to a longer stay in Ohio, but I do not know what God wants me to do.

Any prayers would be appreciated. Thanks.

Saturday, August 5

O! H! I! O!

Buckeyes rule!

And I am now a buckeye. I am so lucky to have these people in my life that want to pour into me and get to know me. I really want to get to know them better too.

Chad and Christy and their small group got together and redecorated the room I am staying in. It is so beautiful and grown up. I have never had a grown up room before! And they put pictures of Japan in there and a really pretty mirror. I am just really excited to see how things go.

My mom and dad are okay and I made peace with them, so I feel good about our relationship.

Life going interesting places right now and I am really excited about that.

I need a job, but I know that will come when the time is right.

Here's to C-Bus!!

Thursday, August 3

It's a Bittersweet Symphony, this life

So, my mom is officially going to need dialysis. She was moved to that part of the hospital tonight. Kinda scary. She's very emotional, but she seemed very clear headed when I talked to her. She's scared because my uncle was on kidney dialysis before he died and that made her very upset to see him with all of the bags hanging next to him. Now she has to do it, and she is very scared to see those bags hanging next to herself.

She has to be in the hospital for four weeks after this and that kind of scares her too. She doesn't know what to do with her apartment, but it is cheaper to pay the rent right now there than go to to assisted living place yet.

My dad was "officially released" from the hospital today, but they are putting him in a nursing home to get him stronger yet until my mom gets out of the hospital.

Side note: Nursing homes make me nervous. My mom never should have taken me into them when I was younger because the things I saw make me almost too scared to go into them now. Ugh.

But I said goodbye to my dad for now unless I don't see him when I go to visit them tomorrow. My mom wants me to come spend some serious time with her tomorrow before I leave Friday morning.

The house where I am staying has been quite interesting. But I won't post about that here.

I am going to meet my middle school music teacher tomorrow, and I am totally stoked about it! Eight AM coffee meeting. You know how that is. But I am excited because it will get me going for the day to go spend some more quality time with my parents.

I haven't seen this teacher since about four or five years ago, and I have totally changed since then. It will be exciting to see how she is doing. And I really want to tell her how much she means to me, and did mean to me growing up.

She was a great role model and I really looked up to her. God used her greatly in my life whether she ever realized it or not and I want to tell her. I want her to know how much her care and love made me a better person.

I am so grateful for my life, even though it isn't easy at all.

Tuesday, August 1

Who's my l'il buddy?

Cole is. I'm gonna miss him. A. Lot.

Me three months ago

I guess May was all right to me.

Last call. We close at two.

Mixed feelings, folks

I have a lot of mixed feelings right now. I am feeling the release to go back to Columbus, and for that, I am very excited. I am ready to begin a new place in my life.

But I still feel pulled with grief for my parents. The doctor told my dad tonight about the fact that he has spots on his lung that look a little suspicious and could possibly be cancer. And he told my mom that she will probably have to begin kidney dialysis.

And I sat in the chair and I asked God, "Why now? Why am I leaving now?"

This is obvoiusly a lot for them. My dad was really upset. My mom cried as I was leaving, but I left. I told her things will work out in the end. I mean, I don't know what else to do for them. I think they need to figure some of this out on their own now.

I really feel like Columbus is my next step. So I am doing it. I have no idea what is after that, but there you go. And sometimes I get too caught up in that, but God always tells me what I need to do when the time comes. Sometimes it's in the eleventh hour, but hey... It's God. I'm not going to argue.

I just want to get refocused again, you know? I need that right now. I need... I need a safe place to heal.

I'm kind of hurting. My heart hurts, and I can't seem to think straight.