Tuesday, October 23
I'm back in Ohio now. It's good to be around people who love me, but it can be hard at times as well.
Sometimes, when you start getting your life together, people can't handle that and they say things to tear you down. Not for the concious purpose of tearing you down, but because they are reflecting their past screw-ups onto you and because you are making steps to let God make you better. Bettering yourself usually means your friends freak out because they don't want the friendship to change. And if you are bettering yourself, it has to.
Poo on that crap.
People, I came back here to pull things together and grow up a bit, something I never really committed to before but often gave lip service to. And that is good, great even. I am working on a career, which is something I didn't think was for me six months ago.
I am in a relationship with the most amazing man I've ever met. I'm in love. And that, my friends, is a miracle. Everything I grew up with and everything I thought my whole life set me up for failure in this area. But God's redeeming love and grace has tought me that I am free to love and be loved.
And that freedom keeps things moving right along.
Sunday, July 29
I think it's funny the things we put into obituaries. Do these little accomplishments really matter?
This is so sad. Just when I started building a relationship with my dad, he dies.
I really will miss him.
Saturday, July 28
Jeremiah 31: 21-22 MSG "Set up signposts to mark your trip home. Get a good map. Study the road conditions. The road out is the road back. Come back, dear virgin Israel, come back to your hometowns. How long will you flit here and there, indecisive? How long before you make up your fickle mind? God will create a new thing in this land: A transformed woman will embrace the transforming God!"
Jeremiah 31:21 NKJV "Set up signposts,
Set your heart toward the highway,
The way in which you went.
Turn back, O virgin of Israel,
Turn back to these your cities."
Jeremiah 31: 3-6 NLT "Long ago the Lord said to Israel: 'I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself. I will rebuild you, my virgin Israel.
You will again be happy and dance merrily with your tambourines. Again you will plant your vineyards on the mountains of Samaria and eat from your own gardens there.' The day will come when watchmen will shout from the hill country of Ephraim, 'Come, let us go up to Jerusalem to worship the Lord our God. ' "
2 Chronicles 9 NLT
Visit of the Queen of Sheba
1 When the queen of Sheba heard of Solomon’s fame, she came to Jerusalem to test him with hard questions. She arrived with a large group of attendants and a great caravan of camels loaded with spices, large quantities of gold, and precious jewels. When she met with Solomon, she talked with him about everything she had on her mind. 2 Solomon had answers for all her questions; nothing was too hard for him to explain to her. 3 When the queen of Sheba realized how wise Solomon was, and when she saw the palace he had built, 4 she was overwhelmed. She was also amazed at the food on his tables, the organization of his officials and their splendid clothing, the cup-bearers and their robes, and the burnt offerings Solomon made at the Temple of the Lord.
5 She exclaimed to the king, “Everything I heard in my country about your achievements and wisdom is true! 6 I didn’t believe what was said until I arrived here and saw it with my own eyes. In fact, I had not heard the half of your great wisdom! It is far beyond what I was told. 7 How happy your people must be! What a privilege for your officials to stand here day after day, listening to your wisdom! 8 Praise the Lord your God, who delights in you and has placed you on the throne as king to rule for him. Because God loves Israel and desires this kingdom to last forever, he has made you king over them so you can rule with justice and righteousness.”
9 Then she gave the king a gift of 9,000 pounds of gold, great quantities of spices, and precious jewels. Never before had there been spices as fine as those the queen of Sheba gave to King Solomon.
10 (In addition, the crews of Hiram and Solomon brought gold from Ophir, and they also brought red sandalwood and precious jewels. 11 The king used the sandalwood to make steps for the Temple of the Lord and the royal palace, and to construct lyres and harps for the musicians. Never before had such beautiful things been seen in Judah.)
12 King Solomon gave the queen of Sheba whatever she asked for—gifts of greater value than the gifts she had given him. Then she and all her attendants returned to their own land.
- Ask the hard questions
- See what he has done
- Expect his provision
1 Give thanks to the Lord, because he is good.
His faithful love continues forever.
2 Let the people of Israel say,
"His faithful love continues forever."
3 Let the priests of Aaron say,
"His faithful love continues forever."
4 Let those who have respect for the Lord say,
"His faithful love continues forever."
5 When I was in great pain, I cried out to the Lord.
He answered me and set me free.
6 The Lord is with me. I will not be afraid.
What can mere men do to me?
7 The Lord is with me. He helps me.
I will win the battle over my enemies.
8 It is better to go to the Lord for safety
than to trust in mere men.
9 It is better to go to the Lord for safety
than to trust in human leaders.
10 The nations were all around me.
But by the Lord's power I destroyed them.
11 They were around me on every side.
But by the Lord's power I destroyed them.
12 They attacked me like large numbers of bees.
But they died out as quickly as burning thorns.
By the Lord's power I destroyed them.
13 I was pushed back. I was about to be killed.
But the Lord helped me.
14 The Lord gives me strength. I sing about him.
He has saved me.
15 Shouts of joy ring out in the tents of godly people.
They praise him for his help in battle.
They shout, "The Lord's powerful right hand has done mighty things!
16 The Lord's powerful right hand has won the battle!
The Lord's powerful right hand has done mighty things!"
17 I will not die. I will live.
I will talk about what the Lord has done.
18 The Lord has really punished me.
But he didn't let me die.
19 Open the gates of the temple for me.
I will enter and give thanks to the Lord.
20 This is the gate of the Lord.
Only those who do what is right can go through it.
21 Lord, I will give thanks to you, because you answered me.
You have saved me.
22 The stone the builders didn't accept [what]
has become the most important stone of all.
23 The Lord has done it.
It is wonderful in our eyes.
24 The Lord has done it on this day.
Let us be joyful and glad in it.
25 Lord, save us.
Lord, give us success.
26 Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord.
From the temple of the Lord we bless you.
27 The Lord is God.
He has made the light of his favor shine on us.
Take branches in your hands. Join in the march on the day of the feast.
March up to the corners of the altar.
28 You are my God, and I will give thanks to you.
You are my God, and I will honor you.
29 Give thanks to the Lord, because he is good.
His faithful love continues forever.
Psalm 91 1-13You who sit down in the High God's presence, spend the night in Shaddai's shadow,
Say this: "God, you're my refuge.
I trust in you and I'm safe!"
That's right—he rescues you from hidden traps,
shields you from deadly hazards.
His huge outstretched arms protect you—
under them you're perfectly safe;
his arms fend off all harm.
Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night,
not flying arrows in the day,
Not disease that prowls through the darkness,
not disaster that erupts at high noon.
Even though others succumb all around,
drop like flies right and left,
no harm will even graze you.
You'll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance,
watch the wicked turn into corpses.
Yes, because God's your refuge,
the High God your very own home,
Evil can't get close to you,
harm can't get through the door.
He ordered his angels
to guard you wherever you go.
If you stumble, they'll catch you;
their job is to keep you from falling.
You'll walk unharmed among lions and snakes,
and kick young lions and serpents from the path.
14-16 "If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,
"I'll get you out of any trouble.
I'll give you the best of care
if you'll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I'll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I'll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!"
There was also talk about my name and what it means. God gave it to me and it is who I am.
One girl saw me wrapped in a blanket as we were praying, she said it means that God has rest for me.
Justin said it means I was a Megan burrito. :)
Thank you Jesus for speaking to me. I love you!
Friday, July 20
I got word from my mom a couple of days ago that my dad has been given only a few days to live. The cancer has spread and he is really drugged up and has trouble recognizing people sometimes. They are keeping him comfortable at least.
I have been crying for two days. Off and on, but I will just randomly burst into sobs thinking about the fact that I really don't want my dad to die yet. But if it's his time to go, I can't be selfish wanting him to stay here on earth when he would be miserable.
At least Justin and I saw him when we were driving out here. I kind of knew it was going to be the last time I saw him. There's no way I can make it back to Indiana before he dies to be with him. The only money I have is from the grant and it won't even cover the move completely. I swear, I am so done with my life being like this.
God, please take care of my dad and help him to make peace with you before he dies. I trust that you will take care of him. I really need a car and a place to live when I get back to Ohio. Will you provide that for me please? I am going to need a second job to pay rent, and I would like a nannying job to work with kids again, and I am asking you to guide me to the perfect family. Just work it out, dude. I know you've got my best in mind and you'll handle it.
Tuesday, July 3
Colorado is beautiful. I love it here, but it's just not working out. Sometimes I hate it.
The truth is I am running myself into the ground financially. If I stay here, my friendship with Becca will be ruined. She definitely doesn't like me being here after all. We had dinner a couple of weeks ago and she basically said she doesn't think this time of us living together was as fun as the last time. Which really hurt me. I think that made me just frustrated.
And made me think, "What is my problem?" Why is all this so hard? Why is life so frickin' ridiculous?"
It has been so hard adjusting here. I mean, give a girl a break people! I am an emotional person. I 've had a few bad days, for sure. I can't deal with all of this stuff sometimes. Stuff of life.
And that's the way it is.
So Becca was gone last week, and I was in love with having the place to myself. Truthfully, I kind of missed her but I wasn't excited for her to come back. And that's when I knew something wasn't quite right.
We haven't been able to find roommates for our apartment. We've been sharing a car and being together all the time. Which shouldn't be that much of a problem considering our friendship is so awesome. But it has been. A problem.
She said that she felt like she couldn't hang out with her friends without asking me to come along. I promptly told her that's not my problem cause I never put that expectation on her. Besides, I had said 'no' on some occasions to hanging out so I didn't really think that was fair cause she made that up on her own.
But I see how her life is going right now and I understand why she feels the way she does about me being here. She's just starting to build a life of her own and she is trying to find her way in the world. So, me being here from her old life in Ohio has been hard on her I think. I kind of understand because when my friend Lindsey moved to Ohio I remember it being hard on me because it was like my two lives were colliding. It was very tense at times.
Anyway, things have just been hard. But things with Justin and I have been amazing. He is quickly becoming the best friend I have. I can't believe we have grown so close in such a short amount of time. But I am so thankful for it.
And I have decided that if I am going to struggle this much in life. I am doing this crap and that's the way it is, then I want to do it where I can be near him. He's the one thing in my life not stressing me out right now. And I want to see where this relationship goes. I want to see what happens. I want to fight with him, make up with him, laugh with him and get to know him better.
I can't believe I spent all that time in the same city as him, sometimes living less than a mile from each other and not knowing it, and I didn't see how important he could become in my life. How important he is. We met last fall and didn't hang out for a long time. I had my "I'm going to be single for the rest of my life" pants on. And I had a crush or whatever on another guy in our group who was completely wrong for me. Ugh.
I'm really wierd.
But at least now I realize how dumb I was being.
So over the quarter life crisis bullcrap.
Get ready Ohio. Somehow I am coming back to you.
Friday, June 22
Waiting on God is hard, but I feel it's the season I am in.
I don't always love my job, but I do love the people I work with.
I feel like I am in the middle of a mid-life crisis some days.
I am not sure if what I thought God called me to is what he really called me to or if it was just me wanting to do what I want.
I know that God loves me, but at times I feel like he has forgotten me.
Adjusting is hard. I do not love Coloradoans much. I have to be honest. But I love my YWAM friends and I love the encouragement that I receive here.
I wonder what is next.
I know God has me here to keep my commitments. And that is hard.
I am learning a lot. It's just the school of hard knocks somedays.
Saturday, June 16
Saturday, June 9
I don't want an ordinary existence. I am no ordinary woman. I am so afraid of doing what I have seen so many other women do, what my mom did. Settling. I refuse. So lame. So not what God wants. But what I have realized is that this gift that is before me is not settling. It is sacrificing. Sometimes, God calls us to sacrifice our dreams to him so that he can make them into something more beautiful than we could ever imagine.
And this love is going to make me or break me, cause I have never had it before. Or at the very least realized it before.
But I do love and I do care. And my heart is full of so much that I can't even put into words, but I know that God wants me to share it with others.
I am an unbridled stallion. And a bird with a broken wing. God has had to do major surgery on me these past few years. I am a testimony of his healing power.
I am a walking miracle.
The fact that I can even love right now is a miracle.
And I do. Love, that is.
I just hope that I am doing the right thing and making the right choices about my attitude, because I know nothing about being in a romantic relationship. I really don't. But I know that God will guide me because my heart is open to learning.
And I can't think of anyone I'd rather learn with than Jus. He's neato.
Between you and me, I'm still not sure I deserve him. But I will roll with this awesomeness. Because it warms my heart and makes me realize that I need to trust more.
And I do. Trust, that is.
Life is beautiful and hard and simple and complicated all at the same time.
Sunday, June 3
Thursday, May 17
Spending time with someone you care about is really fun. Makes me laugh. Makes me smile. Makes me happy.
God is really faithful when one is obedient.
Life is crazy. And beautiful.
I am a giddy little girl. It's so good to get a hug from someone that thinks you're cute.
Who am I?!
Thursday, May 10
My friends and I are watching the movie "The Queen" and I have to say that I love British culture. I remember when Princes Di was killed and I remember how wierd it was. The movie is just intense here right now because the royal family just got the news in the movie.
I got the job at the preschool but I am still praying about whether to take it full time and pass on the massive hours at the coffee shop. Or to do both part time or what the deal is. I am just still not sure.
Becca and I are still sharing a car. Pray that we can find another one soon. We also need some more roommates. One or two if need be. Cause the condo we are renting has two bedrooms and we moved in after having two roommates back out on us in three days. We both really felt and so did our friends who are renting it to us, that this was to be our place and that God would provide for us. Funny how much God has me going on faith right now. My whole freaking life is that way. I can't think of one aspect of my life that is concrete. Just funny.
I guess my age is concrete.
Faith. It keeps getting a whole new meaning for me as life goes on.
Thursday, May 3
Um, I have a job interview tomorrow to do a pre-school summer camp at a church about 25-30 mins away from here. I met the lady who runs the place the other day and she really wants to hire me. The board of directors wants to interview me tomorrow. So... Yay!
Wednesday, May 2
Uh, in other news, I am really excited that God is faithful. I have been talking to a guy friend from Ohio. We both really like each other, and things have been really great since I moved out here. We were both really scared when I was back in Ohio and acted like goofy little wussies. It was wierd, but now we are both really opening up and getting to know each other better. He asked me to come meet his family at his grandparents 50th wedding anniversary party and then he is driving out here to hang out for a mountain vaca. And I am so excited to see him face to face after we have talked so much about what we both want out of life. And I think this relationship is really good. We have both been praying for each other and I think that God is showing me much about what has been messed up about my interactions with men in the past. No. I know it. And the funny thing is we have been talking about how we've been hurt in the past and the decisions we've made and all that. I have no idea what will happen and no idea what we will do if things get really serious. But, hey, I think he's worth the risk. He's fun. We laugh a lot. He makes me want to get my crap together and let God run my life more. Not saying that is easy, but hey... Sometimes, you just gotta roll with things.
Friday, April 6
Wednesday, March 28
So, Becca and I are riding an Amtrak from Cleveland to Chicago to Denver. Cheap. Fantastic. And awesome. And fun!
Life is an adventure. And I am excited to be a part of it.
It's a long story, but renting a vehicle was way more expensive than what I planned on. And I didn't think things would be as complicated as they were to move when I just spent the past year selling everything I own except for necessities. Sometimes I wish my brain worked differently or I would think of things differently. Or that I had an amazing amount of logic. Or any amount of capacity for planning. Because my planning was the suck this go round.
I did not think ahead very well and had to spend the last couple of days on an amzingly high stress level, ready to snap on anyone that pissed me off. But hey. It all worked out in the end. And Becca and I are both excited to hang out and have fun together. And rock the rail.
I can carry an amazing amount of luggage on a train. But still not all of my stuff, so I will have to--I don't want to say it. Get a storage space. Eck. I think the apocalypse is coming. Now I have to rethink my packing strategy, because I did have one of those. But now it's gone. Kaput.
I am coming, my love. My dearest. My mountains.
Tuesday, March 27
Sunday, March 25
Friday, March 16
Tuesday, March 13
For I have told you often before, and I say it again with tears in my eyes, that there are many whose conduct shows they are really enemies of the cross of Christ. Their future is eternal destruction. Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and all they think about is this life here on earth. But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior. He will take these weak mortal bodies of ours and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same mighty power that he will use to conquer everything, everywhere.
Phil 3 (The Message)
18-19 There are many out there taking other paths, choosing other goals, and trying to get you to go along with them. I've warned you of them many times; sadly, I'm having to do it again. All they want is easy street. They hate Christ's Cross. But easy street is a dead-end street. Those who live there make their bellies their gods; belches are their praise; all they can think of is their appetites.
20-21 But there's far more to life for us. We're citizens of high heaven! We're waiting the arrival of the Savior, the Master, Jesus Christ, who will transform our earthy bodies into glorious bodies like his own. He'll make us beautiful and whole with the same powerful skill by which he is putting everything as it should be, under and around him.
Monday, March 12
Elimelech Moves His Family to Moab1 In the days when the judges ruled in Israel, a severe famine came upon the land. So a man from Bethlehem in Judah left his home and went to live in the country of Moab, taking his wife and two sons with him. 2 The man’s name was Elimelech, and his wife was Naomi. Their two sons were Mahlon and Kilion. They were Ephrathites from Bethlehem in the land of Judah. And when they reached Moab, they settled there.
3 Then Elimelech died, and Naomi was left with her two sons. 4 The two sons married Moabite women. One married a woman named Orpah, and the other a woman named Ruth. But about ten years later, 5 both Mahlon and Kilion died. This left Naomi alone, without her two sons or her husband.
Naomi and Ruth Return6 Then Naomi heard in Moab that the Lord had blessed his people in Judah by giving them good crops again. So Naomi and her daughters-in-law got ready to leave Moab to return to her homeland. 7 With her two daughters-in-law she set out from the place where she had been living, and they took the road that would lead them back to Judah.
8 But on the way, Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back to your mothers’ homes. And may the Lord reward you for your kindness to your husbands and to me. 9 May the Lord bless you with the security of another marriage.” Then she kissed them good-bye, and they all broke down and wept.
10 “No,” they said. “We want to go with you to your people.”
11 But Naomi replied, “Why should you go on with me? Can I still give birth to other sons who could grow up to be your husbands? 12 No, my daughters, return to your parents’ homes, for I am too old to marry again. And even if it were possible, and I were to get married tonight and bear sons, then what? 13 Would you wait for them to grow up and refuse to marry someone else? No, of course not, my daughters! Things are far more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord himself has raised his fist against me.”
14 And again they wept together, and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law good-bye. But Ruth clung tightly to Naomi. 15 “Look,” Naomi said to her, “your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods. You should do the same.”
16 But Ruth replied, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. 17 Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us!” 18 When Naomi saw that Ruth was determined to go with her, she said nothing more.
19 So the two of them continued on their journey. When they came to Bethlehem, the entire town was excited by their arrival. “Is it really Naomi?” the women asked.
20 “Don’t call me Naomi,” she responded. “Instead, call me Mara,[a] for the Almighty has made life very bitter for me. 21 I went away full, but the Lord has brought me home empty. Why call me Naomi when the Lord has caused me to suffer[b] and the Almighty has sent such tragedy upon me?”
22 So Naomi returned from Moab, accompanied by her daughter-in-law Ruth, the young Moabite woman. They arrived in Bethlehem in late spring, at the beginning of the barley harvest.
Ruth Works in Boaz’s Field1 Now there was a wealthy and influential man in Bethlehem named Boaz, who was a relative of Naomi’s husband, Elimelech.
2 One day Ruth the Moabite said to Naomi, “Let me go out into the harvest fields to pick up the stalks of grain left behind by anyone who is kind enough to let me do it.”
Naomi replied, “All right, my daughter, go ahead.” 3 So Ruth went out to gather grain behind the harvesters. And as it happened, she found herself working in a field that belonged to Boaz, the relative of her father-in-law, Elimelech.
4 While she was there, Boaz arrived from Bethlehem and greeted the harvesters. “The Lord be with you!” he said.
“The Lord bless you!” the harvesters replied.
5 Then Boaz asked his foreman, “Who is that young woman over there? Who does she belong to?”
6 And the foreman replied, “She is the young woman from Moab who came back with Naomi. 7 She asked me this morning if she could gather grain behind the harvesters. She has been hard at work ever since, except for a few minutes’ rest in the shelter.”
8 Boaz went over and said to Ruth, “Listen, my daughter. Stay right here with us when you gather grain; don’t go to any other fields. Stay right behind the young women working in my field. 9 See which part of the field they are harvesting, and then follow them. I have warned the young men not to treat you roughly. And when you are thirsty, help yourself to the water they have drawn from the well.”
10 Ruth fell at his feet and thanked him warmly. “What have I done to deserve such kindness?” she asked. “I am only a foreigner.”
11 “Yes, I know,” Boaz replied. “But I also know about everything you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband. I have heard how you left your father and mother and your own land to live here among complete strangers. 12 May the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge, reward you fully for what you have done.”
13 “I hope I continue to please you, sir,” she replied. “You have comforted me by speaking so kindly to me, even though I am not one of your workers.”
14 At mealtime Boaz called to her, “Come over here, and help yourself to some food. You can dip your bread in the sour wine.” So she sat with his harvesters, and Boaz gave her some roasted grain to eat. She ate all she wanted and still had some left over.
15 When Ruth went back to work again, Boaz ordered his young men, “Let her gather grain right among the sheaves without stopping her. 16 And pull out some heads of barley from the bundles and drop them on purpose for her. Let her pick them up, and don’t give her a hard time!”
17 So Ruth gathered barley there all day, and when she beat out the grain that evening, it filled an entire basket.[c] 18 She carried it back into town and showed it to her mother-in-law. Ruth also gave her the roasted grain that was left over from her meal.
19 “Where did you gather all this grain today?” Naomi asked. “Where did you work? May the Lord bless the one who helped you!”
So Ruth told her mother-in-law about the man in whose field she had worked. She said, “The man I worked with today is named Boaz.”
20 “May the Lord bless him!” Naomi told her daughter-in-law. “He is showing his kindness to us as well as to your dead husband.[d] That man is one of our closest relatives, one of our family redeemers.”
21 Then Ruth[e] said, “What’s more, Boaz even told me to come back and stay with his harvesters until the entire harvest is completed.”
22 “Good!” Naomi exclaimed. “Do as he said, my daughter. Stay with his young women right through the whole harvest. You might be harassed in other fields, but you’ll be safe with him.”
23 So Ruth worked alongside the women in Boaz’s fields and gathered grain with them until the end of the barley harvest. Then she continued working with them through the wheat harvest in early summer. And all the while she lived with her mother-in-law.
Ruth at the Threshing Floor1 One day Naomi said to Ruth, “My daughter, it’s time that I found a permanent home for you, so that you will be provided for. 2 Boaz is a close relative of ours, and he’s been very kind by letting you gather grain with his young women. Tonight he will be winnowing barley at the threshing floor. 3 Now do as I tell you—take a bath and put on perfume and dress in your nicest clothes. Then go to the threshing floor, but don’t let Boaz see you until he has finished eating and drinking. 4 Be sure to notice where he lies down; then go and uncover his feet and lie down there. He will tell you what to do.”
5 “I will do everything you say,” Ruth replied. 6 So she went down to the threshing floor that night and followed the instructions of her mother-in-law.
7 After Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he lay down at the far end of the pile of grain and went to sleep. Then Ruth came quietly, uncovered his feet, and lay down. 8 Around midnight Boaz suddenly woke up and turned over. He was surprised to find a woman lying at his feet! 9 “Who are you?” he asked.
“I am your servant Ruth,” she replied. “Spread the corner of your covering over me, for you are my family redeemer.”
10 “The Lord bless you, my daughter!” Boaz exclaimed. “You are showing even more family loyalty now than you did before, for you have not gone after a younger man, whether rich or poor. 11 Now don’t worry about a thing, my daughter. I will do what is necessary, for everyone in town knows you are a virtuous woman. 12 But while it’s true that I am one of your family redeemers, there is another man who is more closely related to you than I am. 13 Stay here tonight, and in the morning I will talk to him. If he is willing to redeem you, very well. Let him marry you. But if he is not willing, then as surely as the Lord lives, I will redeem you myself! Now lie down here until morning.”
14 So Ruth lay at Boaz’s feet until the morning, but she got up before it was light enough for people to recognize each other. For Boaz had said, “No one must know that a woman was here at the threshing floor.” 15 Then Boaz said to her, “Bring your cloak and spread it out.” He measured six scoops[f] of barley into the cloak and placed it on her back. Then he[g] returned to the town.
16 When Ruth went back to her mother-in-law, Naomi asked, “What happened, my daughter?”
Ruth told Naomi everything Boaz had done for her, 17 and she added, “He gave me these six scoops of barley and said, ‘Don’t go back to your mother-in-law empty-handed.’”
18 Then Naomi said to her, “Just be patient, my daughter, until we hear what happens. The man won’t rest until he has settled things today.”
Boaz Marries Ruth1 Boaz went to the town gate and took a seat there. Just then the family redeemer he had mentioned came by, so Boaz called out to him, “Come over here and sit down, friend. I want to talk to you.” So they sat down together. 2 Then Boaz called ten leaders from the town and asked them to sit as witnesses. 3 And Boaz said to the family redeemer, “You know Naomi, who came back from Moab. She is selling the land that belonged to our relative Elimelech. 4 I thought I should speak to you about it so that you can redeem it if you wish. If you want the land, then buy it here in the presence of these witnesses. But if you don’t want it, let me know right away, because I am next in line to redeem it after you.”
The man replied, “All right, I’ll redeem it.”
5 Then Boaz told him, “Of course, your purchase of the land from Naomi also requires that you marry Ruth, the Moabite widow. That way she can have children who will carry on her husband’s name and keep the land in the family.”
6 “Then I can’t redeem it,” the family redeemer replied, “because this might endanger my own estate. You redeem the land; I cannot do it.”
7 Now in those days it was the custom in Israel for anyone transferring a right of purchase to remove his sandal and hand it to the other party. This publicly validated the transaction. 8 So the other family redeemer drew off his sandal as he said to Boaz, “You buy the land.”
9 Then Boaz said to the elders and to the crowd standing around, “You are witnesses that today I have bought from Naomi all the property of Elimelech, Kilion, and Mahlon. 10 And with the land I have acquired Ruth, the Moabite widow of Mahlon, to be my wife. This way she can have a son to carry on the family name of her dead husband and to inherit the family property here in his hometown. You are all witnesses today.”
11 Then the elders and all the people standing in the gate replied, “We are witnesses! May the Lord make this woman who is coming into your home like Rachel and Leah, from whom all the nation of Israel descended! May you prosper in Ephrathah and be famous in Bethlehem. 12 And may the Lord give you descendants by this young woman who will be like those of our ancestor Perez, the son of Tamar and Judah.”
The Descendants of Boaz13 So Boaz took Ruth into his home, and she became his wife. When he slept with her, the Lord enabled her to become pregnant, and she gave birth to a son. 14 Then the women of the town said to Naomi, “Praise the Lord, who has now provided a redeemer for your family! May this child be famous in Israel. 15 May he restore your youth and care for you in your old age. For he is the son of your daughter-in-law who loves you and has been better to you than seven sons!”
16 Naomi took the baby and cuddled him to her breast. And she cared for him as if he were her own. 17 The neighbor women said, “Now at last Naomi has a son again!” And they named him Obed. He became the father of Jesse and the grandfather of David.
18 This is the genealogical record of their ancestor Perez:
Perez was the father of Hezron.
19 Hezron was the father of Ram.
Ram was the father of Amminadab.
20 Amminadab was the father of Nahshon.
Nahshon was the father of Salmon.[h]
21 Salmon was the father of Boaz.
Boaz was the father of Obed.
22 Obed was the father of Jesse.
Jesse was the father of David.
Thursday, March 8
Sunday, March 4
Friday, February 23
Monday, February 19
Friday, February 16
Muthawhat?! I always bring the hotness. Straight up.
No seriously. It does bother me. I mean, sure I like being complimented. Every woman likes to feel beautiful.
But compliment me on something else too. Okay? Cause if all I hear from you is how I look, it just makes me feel... cheap.
Saturday, February 10
Friday, February 9
Covered by your love divine
Child of the risen Lord
To hear you say "This one's mine"
My heart is spoken for
By the power of the cross
You've taken what was lost
And made it fully yours
And I have been redeemed
By you that spoke to me
Now I am spoken for
Anyway, it got me to thinking...
If Jesus paid the price for me, and I am really “spoken for” by him, I can't just go around giving my heart away.
In the olden days, if a woman was spoken for, no man best touch dat.
When Joseph was just engaged to Mary and he found out she was pregnant, he was going to have to divorce her. They weren’t even married yet.
My heart is his (God’s) until he deems it the right time to give it to another man.
See, I have spent so much time giving my heart to men that weren't worthy of it.
When I dated John, the guy from Seattle, I was really lonely and I let him have my heart even though we were so not right for each other.
After that relationship, I know what it is like to be used. And thrown away because the guy didn’t get what he wanted.
But see, I have stopped giving my heart away like that. Even with Ben last year, I didn’t give him my heart. I liked him. I let him pursue me. Told him I loved him. We talked about marriage and he supposedly put a down payment on a ring.
But my heart? I’m not sure he got that. And I never got a ring… I hope he got his money back.
No one should have my heart until the time is right.
I don’t want to go giving away something that isn’t mine to give away. My heart is in Jesus’ hands now; I know I can trust him with it.
So I will.
Oh, it’s gonna be hard to trust him. But tonight in the car, I felt him really speaking to me about this matter.
Preparing? Warning? What?
We shall see.
Wednesday, February 7
Friday, February 2
Tuesday, January 30
"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it."
I like to picture my Jesus as a man so in love with me that he would give up anything to be near me, anything to hold me, anything to hear my voice.
A lot (quite a few; enough to make note of...) of the conversations I have had with people recently have followed this pattern. And while I am still processing all of it (some, enough, nearly all) I can say this for sure:
I have some very passionate friends.
Wednesday, January 24
Your decisions impact me, whether you realize it or not, Tom Perkins. What you have done has hurt my little six year old self all over again. And that sucks. But it's not important. What is important is the fact that you have spent your life rejecting God over and over again. But he never rejected you! He died for you! He loves you! Can't you see that by me doing and saying what I did, God was speaking to you and holding your hand in intensive care? All those days I was near you this summer. In the hospital watching cooking shows, Jesus was right there. In me. In your midst. Did you even notice? Please think about it and notice. Notice him. I don't care about me. I don't care whether you ever notice me as long as you notice him. Then I will be okay. Just please make peace with God before you die. Okay? Please. He's so close. He's right there. Don't you see him? He's crying. He's crying 5,000 tears for every one of yours. And he's touching your face. Feel that warmth on your face that makes your belly jump? Your heart race? That's him. He came all that way to be with you. You are not alone! He does have time for you. He makes time for you. He's there to listen. So talk to him. I don't care if you can't physically talk. Talk! In Jesus name, you have a voice right now. Your stoma is healed so you can speak to him. Speak. Speak to God. Tell him, dad. Tell him you don't reject his love anymore. Please dad. Make peace? Not for anyone else. Do one good thing for you. This is you doing something good for yourself. Please listen to his call. He's calling you not to waste your last days. They can be turned for good. Do not go out in a whirlwind of hate and anger, but with peace and love in the name of Jesus. Peace that passes all understanding. It's there. Reach out and take it. It's free. Put away your money. You are not alone.
God says to you out of the chapter of Isaiah, "Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near." (55:6) and "Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock Eternal." (26:4)
The lord is near to you dad. He is so near.
I will trust in the Lord forever. I trust God won't let you die dad until you have made peace with him.
May God's loving conviction and judgement fall on anyone that does not put your spirit first in their thoughts and prayers until your last breath dad.
God is not too busy for you! That's a lie from Satan and I rebuke that lie in the name of Jesus.
God has time for you. God loves you.
It's simple truth dad. And I pray your eyes be opened. Please see and comprehend what is in front of your eyes.
I want to see you again someday. Without a bottle of Jim Beam in your hand.
I want to see the light of Jesus in your eyes.
I love you dad.
I will remember the good times, okay?
Tuesday, January 16
Life is about choices.
And I don't know what choice I will make when in that position. Sure, I hope it's the one that keeps me focused and not caught up in emotions and passion of the moment.
But that's never really been my pattern or my best attribute.
I guess for me, if I ended up doing something physically with a guy that I did before Jesus was so prevalent in my life, it would be as if he had never come in. As if he had never done anything to change me. That's where I am coming from. I have done some things in my past I am not proud of. After the past few years of seeking peace and working so hard to forgive myself for being so caught up in wanting to feel loved and letting that drive me to make bad decisions with men, I hope that now I would exude the fruit of the spirit which includes self-control.
But what I say about decisions I will make in the future is based just as much on theory as it is experience.
So, basically, I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
Sunday, January 14
I am really doubting the fact that anyone can be completely pure before getting married. I mean, seriously, I imagine that when you are really in love with someone like that it's quite hard to ignore your passion for each other. And I'm sure that attraction and connection is really intense, especially after being engaged. I'm just saying... Seriously, the people that I thought were the strongest spiritual men and women have told me that before their wedding they were not "snow white" when they got married.
Which is funny to me.
Maybe the standard that I thought God had placed for me to follow is just something that I heard a pastor say that sounded good. Cause from what I have heard some of my friends say, things get pretty intense. Even my second mom was telling me that loving someone is really intense when dating and especially after being engaged.
And after hearing some stories, I know for sure that I have no idea what being in love is like. No idea at all.
I know what it's like to really care for someone and even though everything logical in you says, "What are you doing? Now's not the time. You're not ready to date or be involved with anyone!" you still are interested and think that person is worth the risk and want to chance spending more time together. I know what that is like. But that doesn't compare.
And part of me feels kinda weird like I should know what being in love is like. I feel kind of lame that I don't know love in that way. I mean, I'll be 28 in May. I'm a grown woman. But I also haven't been married before. The only dating I've done post giving my life back to Christ has been Ben. Who told me he struggled with homosexuality on a regular basis.
I think I am still seeing the repercussions of that relationship in how I deal with men now.
In a way, I am kind of glad that I haven't known being in love before. Because the man I choose to love will be the first man I've ever loved. I can fall for him completely and without abandon.
And that will be complicated and simple and beautiful and a lot of work all at the same time.
Wednesday, January 10
You are Spider-Man
|You are intelligent, witty,|
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.
Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test
These results are really funny to me. Hilarious. But only one person knows why.
Tuesday, January 9
Good food. Good laughs. And two people experiencing a union that was "randomly" begun by a "chance" meeting in life. It's a good time.
I had a great weekend this past weekend. The wedding was absolutely beautiful and my friend Abby looked gorgeous. Ryan was glowing and looked absolutely handsome in his black suit.
I got to see many of my friends from DTS. Which I needed to see. I needed to see their smiling faces and hear their updates on life. I needed their embrace and their lended ears. There is an undeniable bond between all of us that probably no one outside will understand. We talked a lot about all of the fun stuff that happened during our times in Colorado, South Africa and Mexico. We recounted story after story and laugh after laugh. It was a great time.
I realized that I love these people. So very much. More than ever. It was so great talking to them. Each person was there for a reason. I could feel it. I felt God so close to me during this weekend.
I had a chance to really talk to people about what was going on in my life. I could totally be myself. I could totally open up and say what was on my mind. I could say the dumbest thing ever and get reprimanded for the lie I was believing and set straight on what God was saying.
At one point, I admitted that I didn't like being me. And I was going to counseling for answers on how to stop being so weird or neurotic or whatever. My friend Abbie was like, "Megan, you're not going to get those kind of answers from counseling. If that's what you are going there for, you are going for the wrong reasons. And I have no problem telling you that." And I knew in my spirit she was right.
I have been trying to stop me from being me all this time back here in Ohio. And I don't really know why. I am not even sure what I thought. All I know is I do have to be myself, while showing grace to those around me. I am not very good at that when I am caught up in my own pain. And I have been caught up in my own pain for awhile now.
I am done with all that.
I like being me! Who else can I be? Who else could be as goofy and serious all in one person? Me. That's who.
And forget my insecurity about being misunderstood. I gotta get over that. People may not understand me, and I have to be okay with that. I can't control others and make them do and think what I want them to. Although sometimes I have to admit that life would be a bit easier if I could make everyone my little robot droid people.
But what's the fun in that?
I just need to get my bearings back. I need to take a breath and realize that there is so much love and beauty that surrounds me every day. And that starts now.
I have six friends that found love and chose to celebrate it and seal it within the first few months of this year and that is really awesome. Funny. And crazy. And hilarious at times. But still so awesome. I mean, we are all just people roaming around on this planet and we "happen" to bump into each other and see that life would be better with this person in it. How weird and wonderful and not by chance at all is that?
It's totally God. Getting us to slow down and recognize that we don't have to do everything alone. But we can choose to open up and let love in and give love to someone else and see the beauty of something God joins together.
Life is crazy like that.
Bring on the weddings. I've got on my dancin' shoes.
Monday, January 1
Love is an event and the recognition of such event is a process. Interesting.
So, last night a friend of mine was telling me his new year's resolutions. And I was really impressed by the sense that he was planning them. He was planning things to better himself. And we talked about how lame the whole tradition of resolutions can be, but how he still thought it important to think about them, wanting to see each one through to actualization in his life.
And it got me to thinking about my life and my resolutions to change. And the changes I need to make in myself. I mean, how well have I been stacking up to the ideas I had for things to do when I was moving back here? Bad habits to tackle. And overwhelming as the feeling was, I decided to think about them. I decided to think it through. After much deliberation, I came up with these five things, knowing there is actually much more I need to work on.
Resolution one: Attend counseling sessions and begin to work through the abuse of my past.
Resolution two: Fast from food for 40 days. (God made me a promise and he is waiting for me to make a move of faith.)
Resolution three: Let go of my idea of what normal is and let God show me more about what is "normal" in the facets of my life.
Resolution four: Stand up for myself more without being arrogant.
Resolution five: "The Kicker." Step out more in relationships that aren't comfortable to me. Do my best to meet my friends where they are and not just strangers.
I think that's it. And a couple of the resolutions will be helped by me going through some counseling stuff, I know. But I listed them just the same. This journey I am on with God is hard sometimes. The lines can easily get blurred between right and wrong but I think as I grow more and as I learn to be more comfortable in my own skin I will be less afraid to be in situations that are outside of my comfort zone.
I really want to learn what love is. I mean, I know some of what love is not. And I know some about what love is because I recognize it when I see it in others. It's Jesus loving me through those people. But it's hard all the same because I want to know more. I don't have good examples of love in my childhood. I barely think I received unconditional love when I was a child. But I know I receive it now.
And I am glad.
Happy new year everyone.