Thursday, June 30
Dude made cotton candy for like two hours straight.
He smelled pretty candy - licious for the rest of the evening too!
I just am so surprised how God works sometimes. I never would have thought I would be in love - ever, but here I am. Ben is such a hard worker, and that is very attractive to me. I know that he would provide well for our children someday. One time while I was over talking to a lady from my church, I kept sneaking peeks at Ben and swooning over how he was interacting with the kids he was serving. It was such a cool thing to see. He's amazing.
Wednesday, June 29
Saturday, June 25
Friday, June 24
Thursday, June 23
I happened to flip to A Baby Story on TLC, and I flashed forward a few years.
Wow. No more of that for awhile. Like a long while. Ouch.
Wednesday, June 22
Talking about how you'll pay for it? Not so much.
I really don't want to have a white trash wedding, and I would really rather not have a backyard BBQ kind of wedding. It breaks my heart. I don't want to have a reception that is all ghetto. I have been to ghetto weddings, and they are not that pretty. Everyone sits around and pretends that they are, but they really aren't. They're tolerable. And yes, there is a difference.
There has to be a way to have a classy wedding on a budget.
Although, it doesn't really matter if it's like crazy amazing. What matters is that I will be marrying someone who loves me tons, but loves Christ more. And that's what God needs to embed deep in my heart, because I am kind of playing the role of the whiny brat right now.
And I hate admitting that, but I have to.
Monday, June 20
One of my pastors blessed me by buying me lunch
My friend thought of me when on vaca and brought me back a gift
God spoke to me about someone and then it was confirmed when I talked to the person
I saw the old crew from Goddard, which was good and yet uncomfortable
I fell in love with Ben all over again, even the ring I picked for when he calls makes me love him
I got to come home early enough tonight to get Gracie hugs
I got to start reading a new book, a true story about missions
I found out that someone who I thought disliked me asked a friend how I am doing
I opened new deodorant; there is nothing like rubbing a brand new stick of deodorant on
I ate mint chocolate chip ice cream
A couple of years ago, God gave me this passge by which I am to live my life:
2 Timothy 4:1-5 (New Living Translation)
1 And so I solemnly urge you before God and before Christ Jesus--who will someday judge the living and the dead when he appears to set up his Kingdom: 2Preach the word of God. Be persistent, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching.
3 For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to right teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever they want to hear. 4 They will reject the truth and follow strange myths.
5 But you should keep a clear mind in every situation. Don't be afraid of suffering for the Lord. Work at bringing others to Christ. Complete the ministry God has given you.
2 Timothy 4:1-5 (The Message)
1 I can't impress this on you too strongly. God is looking over your shoulder. Christ himself is the Judge, with the final say on everyone, living and dead. He is about to break into the open with his rule, 2so proclaim the Message with intensity; keep on your watch. Challenge, warn, and urge your people. Don't ever quit. Just keep it simple.
3You're going to find that there will be times when people will have no stomach for solid teaching, but will fill up on spiritual junk food--catchy opinions that tickle their fancy. 4They'll turn their backs on truth and chase mirages. 5But you--keep your eye on what you're doing; accept the hard times along with the good; keep the Message alive; do a thorough job as God's servant.
2 Timothy 4:1-5 (New International Version)
1In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: 2Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. 3For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. 5But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.
2 Timothy 4:1-5 (Contemporary English Version)
1When Christ Jesus comes as king, he will be the judge of everyone, whether they are living or dead. So with God and Christ as witnesses, I command you 2to preach God's message. Do it willingly, even if it isn't the popular thing to do. You must correct people and point out their sins. But also cheer them up, and when you instruct them, always be patient. 3The time is coming when people won't listen to good teaching. Instead, they will look for teachers who will please them by telling them only what they are itching to hear. 4They will turn from the truth and eagerly listen to senseless stories. 5But you must stay calm and be willing to suffer. You must work hard to tell the good news and to do your job well.
Saturday, June 18
Heather and Stephen took us to Graeter's today. That ice cream is so good; it's my favorite actually. The "Warm Scotsman?" Best freaking sundae ever!!!
I love Heather and Stephen. They make me laugh. Just look at this pic! How cute would their children be? Seriously.
I bet they'll read this... Ah well.
God healed my broken heart this week. Years of abuse had a hold on me, but the Lord is my deliverer!
n 1: a teacher and prophet born in Bethlehem and active in Nazareth; his life and sermons form the basis for Christianity (circa 4 BC - AD 29) [syn: Jesus, Jesus of Nazareth, the Nazarene, Jesus Christ, Christ, Savior, Saviour, Good Shepherd, Redeemer, Deliverer] 2: a person who rescues you from harm or danger [syn: savior, saviour, rescuer]
Every time I look into Ben's eyes, God heals my heart from feeling like it cannot love a man.
This word seems to require explanation only in the case of its use by our Lord in his interview with "Simon, the son of Jonas," after his resurrection (John21:16, 17). When our Lord says, "Lovest thou me?" he uses the Greek word_agapas_; and when Simon answers, he uses the Greek word _philo_, i.e., "I love." This is the usage in the first and second questions put by our Lord; but in the third our Lord uses Simon's word. The distinction between these two Greek words is thus fitly described by Trench:, "_Agapan_ has more of judgment and deliberate choice; _philein_ has more of attachment and peculiar personal affection. Thus the 'Lovest thou' (Gr. agapas) on the lips of the Lord seems to Peter at this moment too cold a word, as though his Lord were keeping him at a distance, or at least not inviting him to draw near, as in the passionate yearning of his heart he desired now to do. Therefore he puts by the word and substitutes his own stronger 'I love' (Gr. philo) in its room. A second time he does the same. And now he has conquered; for when the Lord demands a third time whether he loves him, he does it in the word which alone will satisfy Peter('Lovest thou,' Gr. phileis), which alone claims from him that personal attachment and affection with which indeed he knows that his heart is full." In 1 Cor. 13 the apostle sets forth the excellency of love, as the word "charity" there is rendered in the Revised Version.
Every time I smile, I am proof of God's healing power in the mind and emotions. Back in the day, I used to be so depressed. Not anymore.
joy ( P ) (joi)n.
Intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness.
The expression or manifestation of such feeling.
A source or an object of pleasure or satisfaction: their only child, their pride and joy.
v. joyed, joy·ing, joys
To take great pleasure; rejoice.
v. tr. Archaic
To fill with ecstatic happiness, pleasure, or satisfaction.
I will call on the LORD, who is worthy of praise, for he saves me from my enemies.
I'm thanking God, who makes things right.
I'm singing the fame of heaven-high GOD.
I will praise you, LORD!
You always do right.
I will sing about you,
the LORD Most High.
I will shout for joy and sing your praises, for you have redeemed me.
I'm thanking you, GOD, out in the streets,
singing your praises in town and country.
Hallelujah! I give thanks to GOD with everything I've got--
Wherever good people gather, and in the congregation.
You are my God, and I will praise you! You are my God, and I will exalt you!
I will praise the LORD as long as I live. I will sing praises to my God even with my dying breath.
Friday, June 17
Thursday, June 16
The stage for Joyce Meyer conference at Nationwide Arena. Should be a good teaching tonight.
I met Ben's family today and it was really good to meet them. I met his sis, mom, two of his aunts and his grandma. Not much to report, really, we were heading over to the conference so fast and I really didn't get a chance to talk to them a whole lot. It was cool though. I mean, it wasn't bad. And that is good in my book because Ben and I didn't really have any huge sparks on our first date and look how well that turned out.
It was awesome! We went up and covered Pastor Phil with Silly String when he got up to speak. It was so cool! It's been a long time since I have been able to prank someone like that. Me, Izzy and Pastor Tom had on t - shirts we made that said stuff like "Vote For Phil", "Phil took us for a ride", and (the best) "I married Phil Hurlbert in Vegas". Man, we are going to get ex - communicated from the Nazzys! Heh heh heh. Nah, they don't ex - communicate people, but they might start for us! Haha!
I didn't get the pics posted to my blog, so sorry about that. I left my phone in the van when we parked it, so that's why I didn't get any pics. One of the interns at church video taped the whole thing though. Hee hee hee.
After we hung out with the teens from our church at camp, we went to go see Batman Begins. It was really good! This was no "get a Batman toy in your Happy Meal" kind of super hero story. It was dark, edgy, the way Batman is supposed to be.
Okay, maybe not supposed to be. I'm not a total comic freak, so don't go getting all crazy on me if you disagree. I'm not trying to wax philosophical on the subject, just saying. Yes, there is a difference. Just don't yell at me okay? Man! Some people!
Hee hee hee.
Yep, I'm over it.
But no. I'm sleepy. So not right now.
Tonight, Ben told me that every day he is around me, he wants to marry me more and more.
Yep. We've talked about that. I totally know now that he's the person I want to live out the rest of my days on earth with. I want to spend every day knowing Christ more and more, and I want Ben by my side through that process. I want God to use me in Ben's life. I want to support him and help him know Christ in new, exciting ways.
And I know it's soon. I know the relationship is young, but it's not like we're getting married tomorrow. It's just... Why delay the inevitable? What's the point? Why put off talking about something just because you're scared what people might think?
Who cares what people think?! I'm so sick of living my life under that covering of fear, as if I need everybody's approval for every single thing I do. Not anymore. I'm free. I have accepted God's healing for that area of my life and I am ready to start living it. I'm over the trap of living my life by what everyone else thinks or my perceptions of what everyone else thinks.
Hmmm... Maybe I did have time to get deep in here afterall...
Wednesday, June 15
Tuesday, June 14
A youth pastor on our district played some twisted joke on a few of us and staff last year and we are so getting him back!
Tonight he is speaking at teen camp and we are going to heckle! So, Izzy, me, Tom and Ashley (a teen from church) are going up to Canton to the teen camp to make a ruckus. Heh heh heh.
We're meeting up with Fritz, the youth pastor at our church (who is already at camp with the teen intern and few of our teens from church) and going to cause some trouble. I'm all excited! It's been awhile since I was involved in a practical joke or anything like that. Yay!
After hitting up the camp, we are sneaking some peeps out to go see the midnight showing of the new Batman movie. So, we won't be back in Delaware till like four in the morning, including the two hour drive.
I'll post how everything goes, and maybe some mobile pics too!!
Word of the day:
2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV) "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."
Monday, June 13
18 In those days I will pour out my Spirit upon all my servants, men and women alike, and they will prophesy.
19 And I will cause wonders in the heavens above and signs on the earth below -- blood and fire and clouds of smoke.
20 The sun will be turned into darkness, and the moon will turn bloodred, before that great and glorious day of the Lord arrives.
21 And anyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.'
Sunday, June 12
Becca's last Polaris trip. She is heading off to Denver on Saturday. We got to get in one last trip to the cool mall in town before she heads out of Columbus. The funny thing about this pic is, if we lived in London, the folks in this picture would be flipping people off. Hmmm.
From left: Jas, JBarnes, Becca
Saturday, June 11
After serving and worshipping at the homeless camp, we went to go see Madagascar. (It was hilarious!)
On the way into the theater, we saw this Chronicles of Narnia display and posed for a mobile post, pretending to be heading into the wardrobe.
From left: the other Ben, Bailey, Myself and my Ben.
Becca, Ben (my boyfriend), the other Ben, Ben's girlfriend Bailey and myself all went to this tent revival thing down in Columbus at a homeless camp. It was a - stinkin' - mazing!!
God moved in such an amazing way tonight.
This lady was there with three kids who were all toddlers and the kids were so cute. I was playing with them and laughing and tickling.
I held the boy during worship and God touched my heart while I was holding him and I began to weep, crying out to the lord for children who are under privileged. This kid was dirty. He smelled. His diaper was full. But there he was in my arms, a beautiful creation in Christ. Handmade by the same being that made me.
God showed me tonight that I am gifted in evangelism, a gift that others have seen in me way before I ever did. God used me tonight in such a way that I just cannot even begin to tell you what he did in my heart toward the lost and poor.
Children are such a gift from God. They should be treated as such.
I wept for so long with Becca and Bailey. Just crying because of God's power that ran through me. I felt him so strongly tonight. It's like he was holding that child instead of me, which is so unique a sitch. I read earlier this week about this girl who was on a mission trip and had the same thing happen to her. When I read it, I was (praying) telling God that it would be so cool if I could be used in that way.
I am here to tell you, people, God answers prayer!
Friday, June 10
She met Ben and liked him a lot. Which is cool. All of my friends really like him so far. Maybe not everyone will, but you know...
Anyway, I am excited about leading kids' worship Sunday at church. That will be amazing, I know. I love seeing kids worship God!
Becca and I are going to do some ministry to the homeless tomorrow night down in Columbus and that should be awesome! I am really excited to do that.
So, there you have the play by play.
Thursday, June 9
Isn't it funny how a person can say something to you that is totally the truth, but it so frustrating that the phrase was said that you just clam up?
I clammed up on Ben tonight. Not angry with him, just frustrated about the sitch. He said some things that just made me realize this relationship is going to take a lot of work. Duh, I should have known that, but instead I was taken aback by the idea of being imperfect. Who knew?
I just have a few things, okay quite a few things, that I have never wanted to compromise on when it came to a relationship. For instance, I want my mate to follow Christ, I don't want to keep alcohol in my house when I get married and I totally want my mate to be into adoption. Now, the aforementioned issues are all things Ben and I are in agreement with.
As a matter of fact, I have wondered if he and I were seperated at birth because we have so much in common.
Tonight, we found something we are not in agreement about. It was hard to swallow, especially when Ben busted me out by saying that fear is not a spirit from God. I mean, he's right, but I still have to let God do some work in me to get through this.
I really pray that God changes my heart or his about this issue because it has been a fear that I have dealt with over the past few years. And I think it may be time for me to compromise on something, instead of stomping my feet and demanding my way. I have gotten my way (by being in agreement with Ben on a lot) in so much over the past few weeks that it has been easy to forget that we are not the same person. (Hello, Megan? Wake up!)
Seriously, be careful what you pray for. I prayed for a man that would stand up to me when I was being unresonable! I prayed for someone of truth. I wouldn't have things any other way than truthful and honest, but it's still kind of funny to think that God answered my prayer about that character trait.
My feelings for him haven't changed though, which is good. Man, I am smitten. I am in deep smit!
Wednesday, June 8
Christen at the bowling alley! She has really been a sweetheart to me since I started hanging out with the group. She totally accepted me as her sister. Awesome gal!
And it was amazing! They loved him! I knew they would, but still I am excited that everything worked so well. It is definitely confirmation that Ben & I are on the right track in our relationship.
Richard spoke to him like a son and I was moved to tears a few times. He spoke to us about our future in missions, truthfully warning us to seek wise counsel before making any rash decisions. We definitely took it to heart. I was really listening to what Richard had to say because I know how many people he has counseled throughout his walk with Christ.
As Ben spoke about his life and what he is about, Judy kept looking at me and smiling. Afterwards, we went into the bathroom and she was telling me how happy she was, hugging me with tears in her eyes. She said that Ben was very cute and that she could tell that he loved me. She said he is so into the Holy Spirit and that she was so glad to see me with someone like him. Judy has showed me God's spirit of adoption in the most beautiful way, and I am so grateful for that. She treats me like a daughter.
Monday, June 6
I added some ministry training opportunities, some new random links and some links to blogs I read.
I found out today from my friend Jason that like everyone at my church is into xanga. I'm not a xanga fan. I think the site stinks and is for like 10 year olds, but there ya go.
There are many folks over 10 who have pages on there. Who knew?
Well, take some time and browse around. I know you've got nothin' better to do.
The world will revolve with or without my heroic efforts today.
I need to take this day because I have been fueling my bad attitude and mood by not taking care of myself. When I am tired, I get emotionally raw. When I am in that state, the enemy comes in and makes my life seem sucky. Everything seems out of control and unmanageable, which is not usually how I feel. But there ya go.
Yesterday, when my small group leader was praying for me, I felt in my heart that if I would just take time to relax, these feelings would be less depressing. (Plus, she actually prayed that over me.) I have been under the spell of "the roadtrip blues" the past few days. No more of that! I'm over it.
So, I am resting today and reading up on some stuff Ben and I are researching together. Having someone to discuss the Bible with is so cool! Plus, he really challenges me to read and pray and seek God's answer on things.
I have seen him everyday since I returned home from Nevada, but we decided that we would just take a day off to get some stuff done. Tomorrow night we are going to dinner with Richard & Judy, providing they are well rested after a weekend of travelling. They are like parents to me, much closer to God than my birth parents and much more leaders to me than my birth parents. So, it's important for Ben to meet them. I am totally excited about it. It's funny though, because when I get married, I totally want the guy to ask Richard's permission, since Richard is more like a father to me than anyone on earth. So, I have a feeling that Richard and Judy will be asking lots of questions. They gotta look out for their "third child" you know. Haha. I am certain that Ben will like them, and they will like him as well. (I'll post what happens.)
Ben & I have been talking a lot about who we are and what we want from life. It has been amazing getting to know him more. We have shared some struggles that we have, what our pasts have been like, and what we would like to accomplish for God in the future. It has been really cool. We have set up some boundaries for our relationship, physical boundaries, and told other couples that we are friends with so that we can all hold each other accountable. It's been really nice.
I enjoy being with Ben's friends, as they have embraced me as their own. It's really exciting to see how God is answering my prayers for my friendships and for the friends that I would like to have. He has even granted (committed, serious, on fire) Godly couples for us to hang out with. God is so amazingly perfect in his timing and actions. He blows me away!
Anyway, I have a ton of things to do around the house.
Sunday, June 5
I went up to my small group leader today after church and I ended up crying on her shoulder as she prayed for me. I admitted that I feel unholy lately because of my past and I feel not good enough for Ben, but I am trying to fight off those thoughts. I admitted that sometimes I greatly dislike my parents and I feel like they don't care about me at all.
She just immediately began to talk me out of that trap and I just leaned forward and cried on her shoulder for like 15 minutes, as she prayed for me. I really love Kathy. That lady has really been used by God a lot in my life.
So, I still fell crappy and I need to remedy it soon, because God has equipped me to fight against the attacks of the enemy. However, I have been too tired to do so lately.
Which is pretty immature of me.
I am mad tired and stuff lately, so I have been emotionally overwhelmed the past couple of days. I have been crying a lot, so that's been interesting for Ben I bet.
He and I have been spending a lot of time together the past few days. I told him that I loved him when I got back from Vegas and I really meant it. For the first time in my life, I said that to a guy and meant it. He is so good for me. I just can't believe that he is even around. But there he is, this really amazing man of God. He prayed for me last night in the middle of School of the Holy Spirit. and I mean like, spontaneously, prayed for me. Hand on my head and everything. It was so cool; I was so moved by his care for me.
The thing is, I have spent a lot of time the past few days dealing with Satan's attacks. I am tired and I just returned from vaca. That is the ultimate time for him to start throwing punches.
Tonight, Ben and I went to Vineyard's Saturday night service, and went out to eat with some of our friends afterward. It's a long story, but I called my mom back while we were at the table because Ben wanted to meet her over the phone. And my dad answered, toshed out of his gore. I hate dealing with my dad when he's drunk. So, we started talking and stuff. I mean, I didn't just want to rush off the phone. He's my dad. I really do try to have a relationship with him. So, he's talking about something random, slurring his words, and I am over it. I start to tell him why I called. That I called to tell mom that Ben and I are wanting to come home to Indiana so he can meet her and my dad and that he wanted to talk to mom over the phone. But my dad cuts me off at "I was thinking about coming home this summer."
He said, "If it's that big of a decision, I don't know why you even bother." Then he hung up on me.
And I ran to the bathroom at T.G.I. Friday's to bawl my little eyes out.
I feel like a dork for crying like I did even when I got back to the table in front of Ben and his friends. Well, they're becoming my friends too.
I also cried in front of him later. The guy sure must love me. If he can deal with me when I'm dealing with my parents, then he deserves sainthood.
Satan is a little punk! He needs to quit, because I will not let him rule me.
Please pray for my parents.
Oh, and pray for me as I seek the Lord. I am going on a personal mission to find out something that the Bible says, and I need wisdom.
Thanks for reading this!
Thursday, June 2
We had a miserable flight from Vegas to Indy...
I got no sleep and drove home to Columbus while Gina slept in the back of the car.
We came to my host home and slept and now she is off to Eville.
Oh, such good times and great stories to tell...
Wednesday, June 1
What the jank??
After all that ridiculousness, we are still here.
Julie had to take her dog to the airport to fly out to her son in Columbus at like 5:30 this morning. So, Gina and I kept waking up and not being comfortable all night. We got like no sleep, which really defeats the purpose of the early flight, since we were taking it to get more rest.
C'est la vie!
I'll get home eventually.
So, we are going to attempt standby flying at 9:55 Pacific time out of here. I am not into rushing out and I think it's really going to piss me off if we get stuck in the airport all day until Julie gets off of work and can pick us up. We are taking a cab in the morning to the airport.
It just doesn't make sense to me to make a big deal about chancing fate here. We could get a lot of airport time in if things go awry. I've had enough of awry. I'm just not in the mood for any more awry.
It's not totally her fault. She didn't realize that sleep would be an issue until our trip down here. I just started crying earlier for really no reason and I have to admit that I am a little mad that Gina is doing this becuse she's the one who scheduled the flights to begin with.
However, I gotta get over it cause it's dumb for me to be mad about something I have no control over. I don't have a choice. She's my ride to Columbus, so I gotta do what she wants to do.
Maybe that's why. I don't know. I gotta go cry myself to sleep now.
I guess I should be happy that I might be able to get home a little earlier.
Yay for seeing Ben!!