Sunday, June 5

Being back...

Has been an adjustment.

I am mad tired and stuff lately, so I have been emotionally overwhelmed the past couple of days. I have been crying a lot, so that's been interesting for Ben I bet.

He and I have been spending a lot of time together the past few days. I told him that I loved him when I got back from Vegas and I really meant it. For the first time in my life, I said that to a guy and meant it. He is so good for me. I just can't believe that he is even around. But there he is, this really amazing man of God. He prayed for me last night in the middle of School of the Holy Spirit. and I mean like, spontaneously, prayed for me. Hand on my head and everything. It was so cool; I was so moved by his care for me.

The thing is, I have spent a lot of time the past few days dealing with Satan's attacks. I am tired and I just returned from vaca. That is the ultimate time for him to start throwing punches.

Tonight, Ben and I went to Vineyard's Saturday night service, and went out to eat with some of our friends afterward. It's a long story, but I called my mom back while we were at the table because Ben wanted to meet her over the phone. And my dad answered, toshed out of his gore. I hate dealing with my dad when he's drunk. So, we started talking and stuff. I mean, I didn't just want to rush off the phone. He's my dad. I really do try to have a relationship with him. So, he's talking about something random, slurring his words, and I am over it. I start to tell him why I called. That I called to tell mom that Ben and I are wanting to come home to Indiana so he can meet her and my dad and that he wanted to talk to mom over the phone. But my dad cuts me off at "I was thinking about coming home this summer."

He said, "If it's that big of a decision, I don't know why you even bother." Then he hung up on me.

And I ran to the bathroom at T.G.I. Friday's to bawl my little eyes out.

I feel like a dork for crying like I did even when I got back to the table in front of Ben and his friends. Well, they're becoming my friends too.

I also cried in front of him later. The guy sure must love me. If he can deal with me when I'm dealing with my parents, then he deserves sainthood.

Satan is a little punk! He needs to quit, because I will not let him rule me.

Please pray for my parents.

Oh, and pray for me as I seek the Lord. I am going on a personal mission to find out something that the Bible says, and I need wisdom.

Thanks for reading this!

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