The other night during kinship group, the female host (our group is hosted by a married couple) came over to me and asked if she could pray for me. She did, and then talked to me about this vision she had of me standing next to a deep lake. I was standing very stiff, with my arms down at both sides, afraid to go in. She said, "I know the lake represents a relationship, but I'm not sure if it's your relationship with God or Ben." I knew it was my relationship with Ben that I needed to talk about, so I opened up to her about it.
So, being in a relationship is harder than it looks. Seriously part of me has been freaking out in some ways because I have been a little apprehensive about someone getting to know me really well. You know, like really getting into my head and my heart. It's funny though, because I have opened up to some girls I know who are married and stuff and it's been really neat to find out that I am not the only one who feels this way about relationships. It's hard to let someone in! How do people who don't have God in their lives have a healthy relationship? I'm not trying to be mean when I say that. Like I sincerely wonder how they do it, because I have a relationship with Jesus and it's still freaking hard for me. It's hard to trust another person with all of those intimate secrets of your life. It's not totally easy, but like I said, it's been good to talk with others and see that I am not alone.
That night, Ben and I had the best conversation I think to date. It was amazing just being his friend. I know that he started paying on a ring and whatever, and I am really girly excited about that! However, I don't want to get so caught up in the future that I forget to just treasure the moments I have with him right now. I really enjoy hanging out with our friends and laughing and flirting and acting silly. I love it! I want to be friends and build on that for our future. It's so cool to be romanced!
On Wednesday, Ben met me at my house before the block party and gave me a Prayer Journal that he made for me. It is so beautiful! I absolutely love it. He took a notebook and painted it. Then, he basically scrapbooked the front of it, adding really cool stamp lettering and some cool textured paper. I know this boy well enough to know that when he makes things like that, he doesn't just throw it together. He takes his time, obsessing over color and layout. I know he spent probably close to an hour trying different pieces of paper until he was sure that it was something that would be pleasing to me. I don't think I've ever loved a gift more. And the most romantic part is that he gave me a gift that pointed me toward God. Man, that just blows me away! I got home that night and put that journal in my hands, sat on my bed and cried out of sheer joy. I praised God for Ben and who he is, as well as what he is becoming in my life. I am so excited about this relationship, even though I know it won't always be easy.
This adventure called life is going to be lots of awesome with Ben by my side! This I know for sure.