Well, I ran into some boy issues.
Turns out that Ben and I don't need to be dating right now. There are some issues that need to be resolved-and I mean re... solved...- before I would be willing to agree to get engaged. Like seriously, some pretty intense things have happened over the past few weeks.
I won't mention them here because mutual friends of ours read my blog.
Anyway, so I broke it off. I was pretty honest too. Like, "I'm not going to call you, and don't call me. I'm not going to screw with your head and continue to interact with you like we are a couple when we are not. So, if you see me around JHouse, MCC or group don't hug me. I know that we would be getting in the way of each other's relationship with Christ. I don't see the point in dating, when the relationship cannot further into engagement. I am not going to date someone I am not pursuing marriage with. I do not mean to hurt you, although I understand that might happen. My point is to keep nothing in the way of my relationship with God. I do care about you, therefore I care if these issues get resolved. Maybe someday, in like a few years, we could date again; I am not going to say "never." However, I am not going to fill you with a false hope either. I am going to continue my life as if we will never get back together until God leads me otherwise."
Yeah, things like that. [By the way, please keep Ben in your prayers.] It was really hard, but I have to say that God totally gave me a peace about everything. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders!
I am God's anointed. And I felt him showing me that tonight, like he was pleased with me in what I did. He answered my prayer. I have not prayed this hard in forever, I have not cried this hard in forever. I laid all of these things down at God's feet and I said, "Dude, take them. I cannot deal with this on my own." And I know the Lord guided me to this. I fasted for a period, which was hard, because I got a migraine that same day. I fasted from makeup for days. I wore a head covering, to bring my spirit to humility. I sang to God. I yelled to him to hear my prayer. I laid face down on my bed and told him that I would obey, if he would just speak to me.
And God spoke. Clearly.
I am so excited about that! There have been times in my life where I have wondered if people even can hear God's voice at all. I have wondered if I could at all. I know that God speaks in many ways, not just in an audible voice. And I know that now because God is so awesome!
I am a little bummed about possibly having to divorce from our friends because they are really great people. But out of respect for Ben, and respect for the friends, I entrust those relationships to God. If anyone wants to stay in touch, they know how to find me. I trust that God will lead them in that respect, but I don't feel it right for me to make the first move.
Completely off the subject, why do people freak out about speaking in tongues? There are seem to be two extremes: those who think it's fake or wrong or that those who do it are demon posessed, or, those that think everyone has to do it to be saved or those who try to force others into it. I mean, what's up with that? One should not be forced into following Jesus, so therefore no one should be forced into speaking in tongues. But yet, it is a real gift for today. Available to any Christ follower who seeks it. Just like the gift of wisdom, guidance, love, etc.
We live in a janked world. Christian or not.