Tuesday, April 19

Out of Parental Problems

Here is an excerpt from an email I sent to a close friend describing my weekend. It explains what happened with the 'rents.


Friday night, my parents came into town. They stayed at a hotel in Worthington,
and my aunt, cousin and myself met them there. My mom wanted all of us to go out
to eat and we decided to go to Buca di Beppo. My dad was drunk, and making
a spectacle of himself. It was really humiliating for me, because I felt like I
was 6 years old again. I was so anxiety ridden. I had a knot in my throat; it
was really hard to stay there. At one point, my mom was yelling at my dad across
the parking lot. People were staring and I felt like white trash. I asked my mom
why she even brought dad. And she said that he is never going to stop drinking
and I need to get over it. I was pretty mad. I just tried to keep my mouth shut
and stay out of everyone's way. I don't think I've ever been so quiet. I told my
mom that I wasn't happy that she brought my dad, and that I definitely wasn't
happy that she made it out to be my problem. She acted like any
average person wouldn't have been embarrassed by the way he was acting. She
thinks this stuff is normal. I hate the stares that people give in public when
out with someone who's out of control. People stare with this look of pity
and disgrace, and it is really horrible. I haven't had people look at me like
that in a long time. I survived though. After dropping my parents off,
I headed up to Matt and Kiana's condo because I didn't want to be alone when I
faced the long dormant emotions of being a child out in public with a drunk
alcoholic. I spent time crying, but I decided that I wasn't going to let these
things run me. I don't have to live like that anymore. I'm free. I'm saddened
that my parents aren't, but I can't let them bring me down into their pit of
despair.

Saturday, I went and picked my mom up in the afternoon
and we went to a store she had been wanting to go to. Walking is getting harder
and harder for her. She wanted me to drive her through some areas of Columbus
she hadn't been to. My friends from the preschool where I worked wanted to go
have lunch with us, and so we headed over toward Melissa's apartment. My mom
started talking to me about YWAM and what I'm doing with my car while I'm gone.
I am not sure yet what I'll do with my car, but she is insistent on me taking
the car to Indiana and parking it for her and my dad to use. They just bought a
new PT Cruiser. They don't need my car. Something I'm not really open to is
leaving the car in Indiana. And so the floodgate opened. She just went off on me
about how much I hate her, I don't care about her, I don't respect my
father, I'm running off to a foreign country and she could die while I'm gone,
I'm going to be begging for money like a homeless person, and many other things.
She told me that I have my priorities all wrong and I should be married with a
house and kids and a job. Those are the only things I should be concerned with
right now. I just laughed at some of the things. I was like, "Mom, everything
happens in time. I'll probably get married someday, but now is not the right
time." Her response: it's the right time for her. She wants me to get married
while she is still alive. Some of these concerns are legitimate concerns, but
with her diseases and suspected mental disorder, the concerns are blown way out
of proportion. She yelled at me to take her back to the hotel. So I did. I
walked into the room with her, and she told my dad to get up and get ready
because she was leaving. And she threw me out of the room and shut the door in
my face.

Disappointed, I walked back into the room and tried to talk things out. I explained to her that she is trapped by the lies that she is believing. I told her that she has hope in Christ and that he can set her free, but she has to choose to let him. Her life from here on out can be lived with peace, but she has to make that first step. I preached a sermon to my mother. After her talking in circles and arguing her way out, I realized that she has to sit on what God was saying to her. I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said she wanted to go home to Evansville. I gave her a hug and kiss and I left. She packed up her things and she and my dad left.

I cried, but I decided that my mom's problems are my mom's problems and there is nothing more I can do to help her other then speak the truth, correcting the false thoughts in her head, and pray diligently for her. The same goes for my father. God gave me
this amazing peace about it all. I am hurt. I hurt that my parents are people
who are lost and trapped in the lies that the devil has told them. They are
trapped in guilt and bondage, not God's ways of working.

After church yesterday, I told Matt & Kiana what happened on Saturday and they
were surprised. Kiana said that she wouldn't have even known I had just been
through all of that, if I hadn't told her. It made me thankful to God for
all he has done for me in the past few years. I know I've changed,
and others see it too.



See, he makes all things new! Even people like me!

1 comment:

Amanda27 said...

Hi Meg,
Thanks for writing me back. Sorry it's taken me a little while to get back to you. I'm sorry you had such a rough weekend but I can see God really used you. It is really all about God's timing in our lives huh. Maybe a few months ago you would of not been able to handle a weekend like that that way. It's just like my best friend was telling me, there is a girl at her work who is freaking AWESOME for God. Has spoken soooo much into my friends life but my friend is confused cause this lady has NO fellowship and isn't involved in any ministry. She's just started looking for a church recently and is a very PRIVATE person. my friend was so scared to ask her why she isn't involved in ministry at all and didn't want her to take it the wrong way. Well, just yesterday my friend got up enought guts to ask her. The lady laughed and said, "that's exactly what my devotions were about last night and I've been asking myself the same thing since then." She said God really convicted her. Isn't that amazing. If she had asked before this maybe she would of blown her off and blown off that devotion. But God's timing is perfect and his grace is suffiecient AMEN?!?!
Anyway, you didn't say where you were going for your dts? I hope things work out for the voice over job. People have always told me I'd make a good cartoon voice (I don't know if that is exactly a compliment, lol).
I finally saw Napolean Dynamite last night and am still not quite sure what the big deal is. It is quite appealing and well done. I think it's one of those movies the more you see the more absurd and normal it all seems which is what brings out the humor. Funny that the movie is in OHIO huh? :) Is everyone like that there? Just teasing.
Well, God's blessings on you!!!!! I'm glad you have awesome people there in your church to watch out for you!