Sunday, March 20

That's janktified

Do I have a pheromone exuding from my every pore?

If you know me personally, you know that I am completely clueless about men. Seriously, let me preface. I have tried so hard to bring my self - esteem back up after years of abuse suffered during my childhood. So, that said, I sometimes go through life unaware of male allure focused in my direction. Don't get me wrong -- I know I can flirt -- and it's not like I never have crushes on guys. (Hello? I'm an idealist.) But I almost never notice if a guy likes me. Every time I think some guy may, I quickly remember how many times I have chanced romance only to be heartbroken, discouraged.

All right, so this weekend I went to my hometown to hang out with my friend Gina and her hubby, Ryan. A couple of my friends from Columbus were going and graciously took me with them. Gina & Ryan used to live here in Ohio and have visited often, so it was our turn to step up to the plate. Knowing that we were coming, Gina conveniently planned her husband's birthday party for this past Saturday.

So, quite a few people were hanging out at the birthday soiree: eating pizza and cheesecake, playing games like Euchre and Apples to Apples. We were having a good time. In conversation, I noticed that Ryan's friend is not wearing his wedding ring. His wife didn't come to the party, so rather than rudely ask if he was still married, I whispered it to Gina. Gina proceeded to bring it up out loud to the guy. Feeling a little embarassed, I made sure to point out that I noticed he had no ring on. (Hey, I'm 26, and I've learned to pay attention to these things.) Evidently, that was a green light for him to stare at me all evening. I mean all evening. I've seen me in the mirror. I'm not sure why he needed to look at me that much.

Looky McStarington, myself and Ryan set up TimeSplitters 2 on the Gamecube and we all three plopped on the couch, me in the middle. We started shooting each other and the bots in the game, and after like two rounds Ryan gets up and leaves. The whole time Mr. Flirty had been sitting on the edge of the couch, but as soon as Ryan booked, he slid back next to me. We were very close to each other, side by side shoulder to knee.

Now, I don't mind sitting next to a guy or whatever. I am so oblivious that it's usually no big deal. I'm not a prude. I can sit next to my guy friends and it doesn't mean I'm making a move, so at first I didn't really think anything of it. All of a sudden, I was madly aware that our arms were touching. I suddenly felt uncomfortable and exposed. For some reason, I wondered to myself if he did it on purpose. I decided the best thing to do was move to the other end of the couch.

"Oh, was I leaning on you?" he remarked, giving away the fact that he knew what he was doing.

All I could think to myself was, "You're barking up the wrong tree, pal." Out loud, nevertheless, I naïvely said, "I figured it would be hard for you to play the game with me laying on top of you over there." He stopped pushing buttons on his controller and just stared at the television screen. I noticed this because I was brutally kicking his butt by shooting his character to kingdom come. I entertained the idea that my comment could have been misunderstood. I looked over and saw a wide - eyed look on his face and I caught on that he vitiated my matter of fact statement.

To top off the evening, he patted my knee while everyone else was in the front living room. In mid - sentence, he made some witty comment about how I obviously needed sleep because I was "loopy." This was no ordinary, friendly knee pat. He was slow and purposeful, lingering too long. He ever so slowly brushed his fingers across my knee as he pulled away.

I was in shock. I mean, first of all, I haven't had a guy make a pass at me in forever. Which is fine. The less that guys hit on me, the less I have to say, "No, thank you." I am so not into trysts. If I had someone make a gentlemanly request for a date that would be different, I would most likely consider it. (Depending upon the guy, of course.) However, I just had to run out of the room after this guy made me completely annoyed. I am not a slammerkin. Don't try to be seductive with me. Manners and respect go far in my book.

If I am being honest though, I have to say that I was fully aware of the power I held. A fleeting thought occured to me. I bet if I leaned close and attempted a kiss, he would acquiesce my request. I, however, did not stick around to find out.

No, thank you.

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