I got a sweet taste of God's love for me tonight. I went to my roommate Gina's small group and I was completely blown away by the discussion. We studied Mark 5:1-20; I get uncomfortable talking about demons and stuff sometimes. I know that they are very real and I'm not just giving you the church answer when I say that. I know that they opress and posess today just like in Bible times. I think that is why I get so uncomfortable.
Anyway, studying that passage made me realize how "human" I am. I just really want to be like the posessed man when he begs Jesus to take him on the journey with the disciples after his healing. I want to hang on Jesus' coattails, desiring to be close and intimate with him, but I also know that I am keeping things from him. I am not trusting him like I should; I fall short. I mean, I keep seeking these things that bring me temporary comfort and I know that's not what God has for me... or wants for me. He wants to heal me and release me. If I don't trust him with this pain deep inside me, then there is no way that I will grow or change beyond where I am. I prayed about these things with a friend from the group and her husband. (Thank God for Abbey and John.)
I accepted the freedom that he has been trying to give to me for awhile now, and God restored me. I am right with him, clean and pure. He is not holding me to my past. Why should I hold myself? I need to forgive me as much as I need him to forgive me. However, for the future I need to get some self control, because without it, I am not producing the fruit of the spirit.
Bottom line: I love God, and tonight he showed me a glimpse of how much he loves me.