I was in a skit at church this morning. It was pretty fun. I totally love acting. I'm not like great at it or anything, but I love doing it. It's fun! It's even more fun when one remembers his lines. I had mine memorized yesterday. I had them down. Today and I woke up and just went blank. I was running lines with myself in the car on the way and I just could not get it together. I kept forgetting. Big fat blank. At least I remembered that I was playing Martha Stewart.
I get to church and put on my costume, trying to remember my lines as I dress. I know if I forget them I am going to look like a total freak. I start thinking that if I screw this up I am a total hypocrite. I comment on acting so much; I am a self - proclaimed acting snob. I can't look like I don't have it together. Everyone will know I'm a fraud! I banish these over - dramatizations and confidently march up on stage for run - through before the church fills with expectant worshippers. I am going to look like I know what I'm doing even if what I say makes no sense!
I stroll across the stage, feeling the white warmth of the stage lights, and I think to myself, "Wow, it has been too long since I graced the stage." (Or anti - graced considering my recent tripping and/or falling issues.) I cannot remember my lines still, but I choose not to care. I realize how much I love performing, and self - assurance eclipses self - doubt. I pray and ask God to help the lines come to my mind when we do the real thing. Who am I doing this for after all?
In that moment, thoughts that I could have used to beat myself up became paltry.