Tuesday, February 15

I lack the "graceful" gene

Tonight I had to run to Meijer because I needed to deposit some checks at the USBank branch.

I felt an uneasiness in the air as I stepped out of my car and began to walk my way down the row of cars toward the doors at the front of the building. I realized that I had my huge wad of housekeys in my pocket, so I turned around and went back to my vehicle to put them in my purse. I was just running in for a minute, so there was no need to load myself down with accessories. I set out again for the entrance and stopped to let a Jeep Cherokee back out. The girl and guy inside looked at me like I was an alien for not walking out in front of them. I politely smiled at the girl and ducked my head down to the asphault, picking up my pace. The Jeep pulled forward and out of the aisle as I stepped into perpendicular traffic in - between the lines of the crosswalk, my 2 inch heels clicking with each movement of my feet. A two door coupe pulled up in front of me, and I had to cut around it to get to the door. Two guys immediately jumped out of the car and walked quickly behind me, as if herding me, wishing me to speed up. When we walked through the first set of doors, I felt this sinking feeling about them walking so closely. I hate it when people walk behind me! Especially up staircases, I am so self conscious that they'll see one of many imperfections on my body and scrunch their nose in disgust. Even more, I am afraid that I will do something very uncooth like walk into a door or trip over something; I am famous the world over for my clumsiness. I reached the second set of automatic doors, and my heart rate sped as if my brain could detect impending doom. That very second, my stiletto caught on the strategically placed carpet. My whole body fell to the floor with a loud thud and before I knew it, I was on my face on the floor with a security camera on me and at least 10 pairs of eyes staring at me. The guys behind me snickered and the 82 year old greeter rushed to my aid, helping me pull myself vertical again. The greeter asked me if I was all right. I just laughed and walked toward the bank counter. What else could I do? Customers in the aisles stood frozen, their eyes on me and their heads cocked to the side. They seemed confused as to how all 200 something pounds of me ended up biting dust.

In my defense, I have not worn heels since November due to snowy sidewalks and
walkways...

Why me?

2 comments:

sarah said...

that was heeeeeeelarious dude I couldn't stop laughing... oh magen you just made my day..lol

ok ok so i know you don't think it is funny but it is heelarious. I love yas lots..

Meg said...

The point is that it was funny! That's why I wanted to tell the tale. Right after it happened, I was thinking to myself that I should go right home and drop the story on my blog.

Megan out...