I found another remnant of an ex-boyfriend. I am really beginning to believe there may be something wrong with me. I mean, what the heck was I thinking?? I found pics of me kissing said ex. It's just too funny. I was so wierd. Why did I think those thigns were okay? It makes me want to stay single forever because I have no skills when it comes to dating. Seriously. That thing with Ben last year? I mean, yeah, God used it but... Well... I just know it wasn't God's best for me. I think he used because he loves me even though I wasn't making the best choices for myself.
I have found so many things that are from my "former life" that really make me feel badly. I was just so ridiculous. Part of me still is.
I always like guys that are so unattainable emotionally or like, well, gay.... Or I end up liking some guy that just wants to have sex with me, and that pisses me off. I am not a locked treasure to be discovered!
Anyway, I know that I am noticing things about myself for a reason. Like I know God is trying to show me something right now, but... I'm just not sure what the point is. What he's trying to say to me.
You know? I mean, I don't feel guilty for these things. I know I have been redeemed and all of that. I've grace for my past.
I just wish I didn't have it. Cause that was an insipid little girl that made those rookie mistakes.
But at the same time, I wonder if some guy comes along, talking the right lines... faking his relationship with Christ like Ben did...
Will I fall for it again? I mean, I can seem all strong and together now, but if he comes along will I need a boyfriend more than I think I do?
Is there something wrong with me?
Do I have a glitch in my programming somewhere?
There has to be something wrong with me...