It's not easy. It's downright painful. Memories are painful.
But I know in time that things will be different. It's not going to bother me as much in time. God is putting me in a place to heal me. In my heart, I know that.
I just have to have a manic crying outburst sometimes. It's good for the soul. And confuses the cats. The kept looking at me last night, cocking their heads and making low, rumbling noises. Not purrs. Not whines. Just noises.
It was funny. You just had to be there.
Today I feel all ex-haus-ted and headachey. I am worn out after running myself ragged having too much fun for my own good this weekend. It was the bomb. I had to cancel on some friends tonight because I just feel like crap.
It turns out Sarah and Jason are totally worn out this evening too. We are all home. Tired. Planning to watch Lost. It's the season finale.
Anyway, my mom called this afternoon and said that she is in the hospital. She has a blood clot in her lungs.
This is no good.
But I trust God. And he will be with her even if I can't right this second. I just hope that things get better for her, because I would like her to have some fun this summer with me.
I want to give this relationship a shot at normalcy. I will probably never get normalcy, I realize. I just want to try to have. . . Well. . . Something.
Instead of this raging nothing.
Cause nothing sucks.
But, hey, these things take time.
And time is all I have these days.