Hey there five AM!

Hey, it's five am and I just got home from a night of partying.

That's right. I got out of the house.

I went to visit a friend who is on tour with a band. The tour came through Grove City and I drove down to hang out.

Frankly, I was a little depressed today. I'm having a hard time right now with my mom and all that stuff about going to Indiana. It's hard living the life I am right now.

Look, I don't really care what you think. You may think that what I've been doing is "easy" or "lacking responsibility" or "childish". Well, if you think that, you don't know me or God's character for that matter. And while we're on the subject, your attitude sucks.

There. I. Said. It.

Okay? I'm tired of these things looming over conversations I have. Lame. I'm over it.

I hung out with people tonight that I had met for the first time, and God totally used them to remind me that what I am doing is important. Every day, I make decisions to care or not to care. Yes, copious decisions are made by me every day. And God uses those silly little decisions to inspire people. To care for them. To provide for them. To love them.

Almost everyone I have talked to that I knew before I left for DTS has not really been that interested in what happened. Like, I can't even really get into stories about what I experienced, you know? It's like people are thinking, "Well, that's great for you. I'm hungry. I should go get some lunch."

I want to make more of an impact on my friends than that.

But I found tonight that strangers ask me more in depth questions about my experiences overseas and my DTS experience. I mean, I am over exaggerating a little. It's not like no one cares at all. I'm not saying that. It's just a different vibe.

And most of my friends that were close to me before I left just don't seem to care about what I went through.

IT'S SO FREAKING WIERD BEING BACK HERE!!

Ugh.

I feel like sometimes people think I am trying to shirk my "responsibilities" by living the life I am. I get that vibe from people sometimes.

And it is so unfortunate for them because truly, "responsibilities" can be an excuse.

I can't go on a mission trip, I have credit cards to pay off.

I can't do a DTS, I am married.

And my personal favorite...

I have a house, why would I do anything crazy like pack up and go run off?

Yes, I am a bit bittered. A little. What I did was follow God's calling. You can choose to do less, but you shouldn't.

It's really not that big of a deal people. You just kind of do it. Everything works out in the end. He's the freaking creator of the universe. He's not gonna leave you out to dry.

If those things are valid reasons, then hey, cool.

But if they are excuses, crutches, or the like, then take responsibility and say, "I'm not ready for that."

Much better said.

Whatever. I'm sleepy and rambling like a nut.

And a little bittered.

A bit.