Wednesday, September 7

Dear God,

I need your help. You know that YWAM called me today and told me they put me on a wait list. Is that what you want for me? Not to go to Seattle? I mean, seriously, I was so sure this is what you wanted for me. What is going on here? What do you want me to do?

I could go to the Denver base because I am going to be there anyway. It's too late for the other bases I wanted. Lausanne I can't get to because of my passport issues. Vegas's base is already filled for their fall DTS. January maybe?

Am I not supposed to go to YWAM at all?

That wouldn't make sense at all. I mean, everything in my life has lead up to this. It seemed you had been working overtime to help me reconcile myself to doing this. God, I was so sure this is what you wanted.

Now I am afraid it might not be. Oh, God, help me! What do I do?


Did I hear you correctly? Did I misunderstand you? I mean look at my life over the past year: I said I was going to bible college, I told every one I was getting married, and then I told everyone I was doing a DTS. The first two painfully and unregrettably did not work out. I'm cool with those two. But this? I'll feel like a fool again if this DTS thing goes wrong. But at least I am a fool for you! Haha!

I just don't understand why this is happening, but I will stick to the truth that "all things work out for good to those that love God." And, man, I love you! I am really apprehensive about what the point of life is right now, but I love you. I am afraid that I just can't seem to hear correctly from you, but I love you. I am completely going to trust you in this. And it pains me to say it, but, no matter the outcome... I will trust you.

Please help this all to work out the way that you want it. Help me, Lord. Help me to lay my dreams aside to do what you would ask of me. If getting denied is what it takes for me to grow closer to you, as much as it hurts, I'll do it. I'll put that desire aside for you.

It just didn't seem like that's what you wanted because it took so long for me to reconcile myself to doing a DTS in the first place.

I need to hear from you right now Lord. Speak. Please?


Steven said...

Trust in the Lord, and trust that he has a plan for you. Through pain and adversity we become closer to God, which is what he wants for us. It took me many years and a tremendous amount of pain to realize this. May God bless you. Steven

Nathan said...

I'm sorry that you didn't get the news you wanted to hear. Hopefully it will still work out that you can go this month. Continue seeking God through this time. We love you can are praying for you. I know you have had a difficult time lately and I want you to know that I am there for you. You don't seem comfortable talking sometimes, but I want you to know that if you ever do feel like talking, I am available!