Something is different

I can't explain it. It's just funny. Several people have said that I am glowing or my eyes are smiling (Yes, I'm part Irish!) or that I look different. I feel different. I don't know what it is, but I just feel different.

Last night my roommate and I got into some pretty serious spiritual warfare. We were awakened by a spirit of fear and we took it on. It was so awesome! If you ever want to know what Satan's inheritance is, read Isaiah 14 and 15. Holla. Back.

I love Jesus. He is so rad.

I have had to face a lot of pain from my past that the Lord has brought to the surface the past few weeks. I have felt like an open, festering wound lately. It's been really hard, but luckily God has put me in this environment where healing in conducive to what is going on here. I am totally excited about the outcome though, even though it may take awhile to see results! I just want to commit to seeing it through. I want to be loyal to my commitment to grow.

DTS is a trade up on life for me. Not a break even. Not a trade for the pits. Trade up.

God keeps his promises and that is good.

Filet Mignon

So, I am completely stoked to go to South Africa! I cannot wait to get there and be able to hug on some little kids. Our team has had some issues being tired and getting crappy with each other, which I'm told is normal. Please keep us in your prayers.

God really challenged me this week with the whole working in a Muslim country thing. I was thinkking about how hard it will be to not be able to wear what I want and do things the way I always have. I mean, this is a huge thing. Those are a lot of rights to lay down, man. I know this isn't going to be easy either. So, I was looking at a picture of a girl in a Muslim head wrap. I thought to myself how hard it will be to have to wear one of those all of the time when I am in the Middle East. And God led me to wear one. Even out in public. And I don't know for how long either. (I borrowed an actual head covering from a staff member here who spent a year in Afghanistan.)

I realized how much I stare at women who wear these out in public. I need to be more sensitive.

Last stretch proves harder than originally thought

Yeah, it's the home stretch for DTS, peoples. And I have been running out of steam. Getting lazy even. I miss my homies in OH, but I am seriously in love with all of my DTSMates. I love it here and I don't want to leave... But I am ready to go on outreach.

Such an interesting dichotomy of emotions. I am working through it with my small group leader, and I know that it will turn out okay. God loves me, and he is there for me through all of these things. I had to be reminded of that today. It's good to finally have someone around that fills in a lot of the voids that I have felt over the past few years, but have been too chicken to work through or voice before.

Sometimes, I am still flabbergasted that I am even here. God is so freaking cool.

God bless us, every one!

I freaking love Thanksgiving. My Safa friend here said that we should rename Thanksgiving "Fatsgiving". He's so right. We made enough food to have leftovers for like four days for about 20 people!!

I made my aunt's famous broccoli casserole and I got tons of compliments on it. Everyone was saying that it was the best side dish there. I was so excited that it turned out! So cool.

We got up and watched the Macy's parade where the M&M's balloon caused a light to fall on someone. How ridiculous is that? Suck. It allegedly hit some girl in a wheelchair. What a lawsuit, if she sues! I was getting annoyed that CBS has the absolute worst setup I have ever seen to view a parade., so we switched to NBC. Props to NBC for hanging onto their spot. I love the parade. Welcome to American tradition, folks!

On a heavier note, (no pun intended) God is doing huge things in my life. I have been having violent emotional reactions to things lately. I hate being shushed! I hate when people have to do things by being matched with people by size or weight. So hard! I feel like I am the biggest person here. Stuff like that makes me feel dumb. Humiliated. Like a Fat $%&. I hate it! But God is trying to clean all of that stuff out of me. Thank you so much, everyone, for helping me to get to this point.

I have also been cussing more in the past eight weeks than I have in the past four years. What's up with that? Satan is such a jerk!!

In Jesus' name leave me alone, Satan. You will not have control over my mouth! That's where Jesus has lordship!!

You guys! Seriously. Keep me in your prayers.

Nothing and everything

That's basically what's been going on here. Nothing and everything. Like everyone keeps asking me what has been happening at DTS. And I try to tell people, but they just can't really understand unless they've been through it. You know? Nothing personal. Just a lot. So much that I can't really even articulate what has been going on. It's crazy. So much.

I have some hard decisions to make. Seriously. Like: "What am I going to do after DTS?"

What am I going to do after DTS?

I have many choices. Some of which may be rough because I am going to have to look at relationships differently than I have. That's kind of hard, but hey. When God tells you to do something or opens a door, you gotta try it! I gotta try it! God is way more important than anything or anyone else in my life. I just gotta try what he is telling me to do.

I really love Jesus, man. Seriously. Love his little face off.

I am so floored every day by the fact that I am even here at all, that I don't have to worry about money, and that the possibilities for what I can do afterward are endless. I'm not afraid anymore of travelling and going to other countries. It doesn't freak me out anymore. I'm so ready for whatever God has for me.

My mom is finally accepting the fact that I am going to South Africa. She sent me a care package the other day with money in it and she is sending me another package this week. So sweet. So awesome. So wonderful of God to change my mom's heart.

Thanks, Dad. I really appreciate everything you have done for me while I have been here. It's awesome! What you are doing is awesome! I am so excited about South Africa, and I cannot wait to see how things go there. I love you!!

Pics of our outreach teams

These are the people I am going to South Africa with. Some people have switched teams, but this is the main SA team. You saw right! My hair is black and pink now!



This is the Mexico team. Yet again, some people have switched or were in both pictures because they weren't sure yet on which outreach they were going.

Welcome to the mountaintop, baby!

So, a lot of stuff has been going on here. God has been working overtime on me trying to get me to face the truth about some stuff and truth about myself. I'm in the mountains. What else am I going to do? My cell phone doesn't work out here. Our internet barely works out here. What else is there to do? Chillax and let God do his thing. (I have learned so much about what being "in Christ" really means. If we all really understood that phrase, the Devil wouldn't have such a stronghold of guilt on our lives. I have copies of the scripture study if anyone wants to read it.)

I have had a rough time being shushed lately. It's funny, though, because I am just trying to tell people that it really hurts me. They shush me, but I never tell them to lighten up. And anyone who knows me knows I'm not loud all of the time. Yes, I have my moments. Doesn't everyone? How did I get labeled "the loud girl"? Hmmm. But seriously, like Satan can get off my case in Jesus' name because I am not going to let him get the best of me. I just need to communicate what I feel when people do that to me. I really love everyone here and they love me. It's just I don't think that they really understand what is going on in my head when those things happen.

I mean, I'm 26 years old, and I've been told to be something else other than I am for most of it. I am not playing like that anymore. I'm sick of it. Everyone was always telling me to be quiet, be the good little business girl, "play the game", "don't rock the boat..."

You know what? God created me to rock the boat! That's who I am. I was created to speak truth when others are afraid to do so. I was created to shake people up by the prophetic pictures that God gives me. I was created to sing loudly and boldly proclaiming the love of God for all. You know what? I'm not playing around anymore! I have had enough of that fakeness in me. I want it stripped out.

And I believe that God has been answering that prayer in the past few weeks. He's really been exposing the truth of who he thinks I am. It's so awesome! I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin now. I am a lot less afraid than I used to be too. It's pretty funny. DTS makes one feel like he is on top of the world! I feel like I could go anywhere and do anything!

Speaking of which, please pray for me because God is putting a pretty desolate place on my heart to go and do mission work in. It's a pretty rough country, actually, and I am really seeking God about what to do in this. When it comes to missions, all the easy places are taken. But I really want to be obedient. I would get to leave everything behind for like two years and go work with kids and women in a muslim country. Pretty sweet! I am waiting for many confirmations about this. And I know that if I am hearing God correctly, then it will come to pass.

I love getting to just chill out and let God do his thing. Being in Christ is awesome!

My nose ring the night I got 'er done

I am officially pierced!!

I got my nose done last night in Boulder! Yeah, it was a pretty sweet witness to the guys at the piercing shop. I got it done at K&K and they did a fantastic job. It didn't even hurt. I was surprised. Thanks Jesus!

Pictures to come!!

Lots of Fun

The bruise is still there, but it doesn't really hurt anymore. I haven't been up to the prayer chapel since... bad memories. Haha!

This week was so amazing! We had a teacher that was hugely, hugely, hugely in tune with the Holy Spirit. The topic she spoke about was "Identity in Christ," and it was fantastic!! I have never never heard anyone explain things the way she did. And everything she said she backed up with scripture. I really want to photocopy the packet she gave us and send it back home to Ohio, Indiana and some friends in other places as well. I think this is the hugest revelation one could have in his walk with Christ.

I have been having revelations all around.

I was prayed over by my teacher last week about my gift of healing. She didn't even know beforehand that God has spoken to me that I have that gift. When she prophesied over me this week, she said God told her that I have that gift, and he wanted her to anoint my hands with oil. Which she did. My hands felt hot. Think I'm a freak, whatever. My hands felt hot. I'm telling you, ever since then I have felt the need to pray for people on a regular basis for healing.

Today we were at the mall and God spoke to me to pray for a girl in a wheelchair. I had a warm feeling all over my body, a rapid heartbeat, and I was really shaking. I couldn't just stand there and pray for her. God was breathing it into me to go lay my hands on her. I mean, I totally had to lay down my rights to a good reputation. This girl was a teenager, and when I went up and asked her if I could pray for her, her mom said no. I felt bad for the girl, because she was going to say yes. I prayed for her in my head, anyway. No one can stop me from doing that.

God has been telling me to pray for people left and right. It's been pretty sweet. God stinking rocks my face off!!