Thursday, October 5

My latest update as sent via email

Oh you guys! There is so much to tell you!

I will try to keep it simple.

I moved back to Ohio in early August. I was hired by Starbucks and began working there within three weeks of my arrival. I love my job! I get paid to make coffee. Who doesn't love that? And it's a lot of fun. There are lots of fun customers that come in and many of them we get to know by name. There is a whole Starbucks culture that I never knew about before.

I have no idea why I conceded to God and came to Ohio, because my heart has been set on returning to Colorado. I was going through a big "Where do I go from here thing?" for awhile, but have since realized that all the hell I went through in the past year was not without purpose. Especially going back to Indiana to live and spend time with my parents. It was worth it.

I am a new woman. That's all there is to it. I handle life differently. I have a confidence and appreciation for people I did not have when I lived here one year ago. I'm not scared to live anymore, and that is an immeasurable blessing! I am no longer scared of the future and I don't stress about whether or not I have wasted my life up until now. I have decided to accept my life as is. The good, the bad, the ugly. It's my gift from God.

I actually have a relationship with my parents now. More than I could say before. And I can't put a pricetag on the feeling that I get when my mom calls. It's not hate or anger or disgust. I actually get excited when she calls. It's new. I'm trying to get used to it.

I am staying with married friends of mine named Chad and Christy. I was not close with them until the past few months since DTS and I am so glad that I have them in my life because they are so awesome.

They helped me realize that I have an eating disorder. I over eat. I was pretty good during DTS as far as my eating goes, which is why I lost weight. But when I was in Indiana for the summer, I gained it all back and more. After seeing my mom and how sick she has been due to not taking care of herself, I knew in my heart it was time to do something about it.

I want to be around to hold my grandchildren someday.

When the pressures of life came down on me, I turned to food. I ate and I ate. I ate the most horrible stuff I could. Fast food at every turn. I binged on ice cream. And I cried into my pizza. I couldn't stop.

But I would like to report to you that I have been eating a low carb diet with little to no sugar. I haven't been overeating. I haven't overeaten in weeks. And while being around a pastry case every day isn't easy and I am not perfect, I have been really good compared to what I was doing. I have only had one sweet and that was this week. I need lots of strength and grace in this area.

I am trying to find the source of my problem and not just fix the symptom. I want to tackle the whole problem. I am slowly beginning to tackle why I do what I do. I am also looking into going to counseling. Please pray for me in this area.

My friend Christy and another friend of ours is starting a theater company here in town. They have asked me to stay here in town and work on a production with them here in Columbus. We will be renting out a space at the Rife Center, which if you were from here you would know it's kind of a big deal. I am starring in the play that my other friend, Joe, is writing. We will be performing it sometime next summer and tickets to the show will be sold by! I am so freaking excited! This is an opportunity I have been waiting for forever! So I have commited to be in Ohio for at least the next year.

I am okay with not going back to South Africa yet. Or Thailand. Or India. Or anywhere else God has put on my heart. For once I am okay with where I am. I am happy to be here, and I know the time spent here will benefit the kingdom, which is all anyone can ever ask for, right? God brought me here and he will use me here. I don't have to be in nother country for him to use me. I just have to be willing.

I'm in a place of peace right now, and I love it. I also know that there will come a time where I will have to find my peace based on what I know and not my circumstances. But for right now, waiting on the Lord (In Hebrew, becoming intertwined with... Isaiah 40:31) and letting him love me and grow me through the group of friends I have here is totally amazing!

I have a completely different group of friends here than when I left for Colorado last year. God has changed me and brought me a new family, and given me opportunities that I have been waiting on for a long time. I cannot wait to do this project with my friend's theater company. It will be really sweet. And if you can make it, I would love for you all to be there.

Anyway, that's life in Ohio in a nutshell.

All my love,

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