Tuesday, October 10

The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same

I started doing some freelancing for the tv station where I used to work. It's rather interesting.

Last Thursday night, my friend (who used to be my boss) calls me and says that he wants to hire me to help him get through the bump he's in. And I wasn't there when it started, and I'm not sure it's going to end... And he said that if I wanted to make some extra cash I could. No pressure. Just if I was in the mood, he could use the help. I was like, "Dude, I'm in."

So, I'm back in the old office today doing my thing and it's funny. Because I won't hug my friend when I leave, because he's my boss now. And we both go into this professional mode without talking about it at all. We just get it like it's an unwritten rule or something. Like we both read a nonexistent manual. It's funny. I mean, I remember what it was like working for my friend when he had never been just my friend before. Now we have this vibe because we have both grown and changed, and I'm confident in our friendship and I know what to expect. Because I know what he expects. Because we have earned each other's respect. And I'm a little more grown up now, but that's beside the point.

And things are different and yet all the same in the office. Some of the people no longer work there, but some of the same ones still work there. I remember what it was like being there in my cube every day a few years back. And I remember how stupid I was, and how troubled that year, and how much I was peanut butter with no jelly. And how I never felt like I fit in and how I was just awkward around people.

I forgot what American Corporateland was like and how wierd people can get when they are in their corporate mode, like focused and in the zone. It's just different. I haven't been here in a long time, you know? I mean, at the coffee shop, I can be loud and sing at work and talk boisterously. But I make a concerted effort to be quieter at the station, although some things I freaking just find funny, and that's all there is to it. Of course, no one is saying that I can't laugh sometimes or giggle. Somewhere in all this rambling, what I am trying to say is: I'm so thankful for the way God does things. I'm sitting at my desk today and I totally remembered how unsure I was of myself and how I took things personally that people said then and how I got offended at things people did especially if their worldview was different than mine.

And I laughed. And I just realized that life goes on. I mean, I like this gig. I need the money. I like the people even though the work itself can be kind of drowning sometimes. I don't know how my friend does it all day-ten hours some days. Fourteen hours other days. My brain is so flippin' fried right now, I can't even tell you. I just can't think straight.

Well, it is after midnight, but my brain was fried this afternoon. You know what I mean. Anyway, that's life with two parttime jobs. Take it. Leave it. Whatever.

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