Will someone please tell me what planet I'm on?

Things are crazy here. Man, my mom went to the emergency room this morning. My dad was so bad, evidently he hadn't been off of the couch for a few days. He couldn't move; he just didn't have any energy. And evidently he hasn't been getting off the couch to go to the bathroom. He was relieving himself in his pants and therefore on the couch. I knew the past few days I was going to have to do something about it so today I called an ambulance and shipped him off to detox. The couch in my parents apartment smells like pee.