Tuesday, February 21

This is my reality...

I woke up late. I didn't get dad to his appointment on time. Luckily, his ENT was running things behind in her office.

Lucky for me, I got to go into the appointment with him. Yes, I am being sarcastic. I just wanted to sit in the lobby and read Newsweek. He wants me to go to these things. I guess for moral support. I don't know. I'm kind of afraid to ask. It's just wierd sometimes. Being in there while a doc is putting tweezers into a hole in your dad's throat. It's wierd when he is talking and I have to translate what he is saying to the doctor or nurse because she cannot understand him.

I guess I should be happy that I am able to be with him at all.

I can tell I am feeling really needy and vulnerable because I am blogging a lot lately. I guess I could call someone, but what can they really say that is going to help? Not much support can be given over the phone. It's wierd; I find myself going throughout my day thinking of how I would explain the events that are happening around me on here.

I am looking forward to Florida. My friend from Ohio has a summer home in Florida and is flying me down to see her next Wednesday. I cannot wait to go and get her all to myself for a week. I just need to have some fun again. There hasn't been a lot of fun had over the past week or so. I've started being a bit complacent about talking to people or calling or emailing back. I'm starting to retreat. That's not good. Fortunately, this week in Florida will be a week of downtime and relaxation. I have no idea what Judy has planned for the week for us. We may just swim all week at her pool. I like swimming. I miss it. I swam a lot in South Africa.

I freaking miss South Africa. So much. I can't stand it. I want to go back.

I really miss my DTSMates. So much that I want to cry, but I have to move on with life. I miss Becca. She's out in Denver chillin'. I wear her sweater she gave me and I am so thankful for her giving spirit. It humbles me.

There are some pretty cool people out there who really care for me, and that is such a help right now when things can feel dark and alone if I entertain thoughts best left to die out.

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