Sunday, August 7

What the jank?

I really have no idea, but I can tell you that I miss Becca so much I cried yesterday.

I feel all spiritually janked lately. I feel out of it or something. Like disgruntled with the church as a whole. Tired of people's faults. Stuff I have to get over if I am ever going to do anything ministry wise.

I feel really hurt by the whole boyfriend fiasco. I feel lied to. Betrayed. Like I never want to ever let anyone in again. But I know that's crap. I took a chance. Thank God I found out that things weren't going to work out when I did. Even though I am thankful, it still hurts. It hurts a lot. I am tired of everything being so hard. My life is so hard sometimes. Is there anything I can do to make it not be so much drama?

I just want it all to go away. I am tired of having to beg God for the same strength all the time. It's the suck. There's just so much going on. I feel like I am going to drown in it all.

I guess I am a little mad at you, God. I mean why can't things just be okay for me? I want to be able to provide for myself more than I do. I am so sick of being hurt and lied to. Please don't let me marry anyone that is going to hurt me all the time. I'd just rather be single than let that happen.

I hope that God really teaches me how to grow when I go to YWAM. Because I just can't take this crap anymore! I have completely lost control of things, and I am having trouble trusting God in it all. I just want to cry.
What is going on?!

1 comment:

Lindsey said...

Chin up there Megan! I think everyone goes through these phases...well, at least I do...a lot. Especially when there is the singleness to deal with too. and more especially when it seems like all of your friends are in relationships...but anyway, Life is hard sometimes, but I think your time is coming. YWAM will be an awesome experience for you. And someday you'll look back and everything will make a lot more sense. :-)

Don't get down on yourself about the boy though. I have invested way too much time in the wrong boys in the past. The best we can do is be thankful we had the guts to say we would rather be single than be with someone we know isn't right for us. In my eyes, thats pretty cool. And when the right guy comes along we are going to be Soooooooo glad we waited.