Tuesday, August 9

Organization is not my strong suit

So, now I am starting to get all my stuff together for YWAM.

I sent off my application and now I am going to wait for their response to everything. Of course, I am crazy nervous. I wonder what will happen.

I need to get my passport.

I need to get my storage space cleaned out and taken care of. I don't know if I am going to keep it or sell everything I can to help raise money for my DTS. I found out that my church won't be supporting me financially, which sucks, but I know that God will work in spite of that fact if this is his will. God will work in spite of a lot of facts in my life.

Like right now, all I want to do is go to bed. I want to go and cry. I've wanted to break down into tears all day, but I have held it in. I cried myself to sleep last night. I am so emotionally overwhelmed by my life that I just don't know what to do with myself!

I really think I may have a chemical problem in my body or something. I just can't seem to get it together emotionally. And this is a pattern that I need to work through, but I have been putting it off for years. I have been thinking that it will go away, but I really am tired of having these breakdowns. And I'm tired of hiding the fact that they exist. I mean, I spend a lot of time crying. And I am beginning to realize that it's not healthy to do so. I have huge problems with the way I get down on myself and down on my life. I am a depressive personality.

I need to pray as to how I can work on this side of me.