Seriously. I have to get rough with the crap that plagues me and keeps me up at night. Maybe God just wants me to work at the coffee house right now and that is okay with me. It took another job rejection for me to own up to that fact. Cause all the doors I attempt to walk through keep shutting in my face and I really think there is purpose in it. I don't think it is happening for no reason. I am not sure what that reason is yet, but I am trying to find out.
I have to lay off putting pressure on myself to fit into this invisible mold that I have made up for me to fit into. Cause I do not have to conform to what others do. I just have to be the best me. And there are certain things that I have not been called to. And I'm not saying I won't be called to them, I am just saying that I am not right now.
And I'm okay. I'm not in a hole. I am not drowning. I am going to be fine. I need to be more open and honest with God. I need to take some time with him and really read scripture more. I have been turning away from that, and I think that ultimately led to my cascade into depression. Plus, I have just had to deal with a lot this year. I mean-I'm trying to not be too hard on myself.
Grace is good.
I am re-evaluating things a little more right now and praying about things a lot more.
I opened up my storage bin the other day and I found my quiet time journal from DTS; while I was reading it, I began to remember things that God spoke to me during that time. And I know that they are still things he wants for me. And in those moments, remembering all the things that God promised me during that time, I found a peace that I have not felt in a long while.
I am finally getting my life back. And it is beautiful. And the people that love me are very beautiful.
And the birds are singing once again...