I don't mean to mean, but I gotta be blunt.

So, I had more fun at campmeeting with the people I hung out with than at the actual services. I came back on Saturday. I slept through church on Sunday. (Sue me.) Today I woke up with a huge headache and sinus issues to boot. My face has been sore all day. Those of you with allergies will relate. I felt like crap. I almost didn't go in to work at the church.

But I am glad I did.

Pastor Tom, Pastor Fritz, the other interns and myself all had a meeting about the events coming up and what all of our jobs were. We also shared some prayer requests and prayed for each other. It was so amazing. The presence of the Lord was in that room. I know that I have been healed. God is so amazing!

But, when I am tired, I can take things the wrong way. And I have to say that on the flip side of things I was really annoyed today at times.

As much as pastors can be open, they can just shut off. To be a good teacher one has to be teachable, and to be a good leader, one has to open to correction. I wonder how open the leaders at my church are.

You know, there was this big thing that happened between my pastor and his wife and a couple of prominent families in our church that resulted in the families leaving. No one talks about it! Everyone pretends like it either didn't happen, or that it's not okay to talk about it. I think that's crap! I am not saying that anyone was more right than another about all of this; I am mature enough to know that both sides probably made mistakes. Openess has to be protected at times, but also, we cannot all just pretend that everything's perfect. I still don't know what exactly happened during that whole sitch last year, but I know that I have seen many people hurt in our church by it. Everyone just keeps trying to cover it up, and all that is doing is creating more mystery. What good is that going to do anyone spiritually? I don't understand. It doesn't make sense.

Why tell me every week that I need to be more open and soft hearted toward the Lord and trust him more, when you don't lead by example?

I am sure that being a pastor is hard and all, but I am tired of playing the pity card. Honestly, people, just suck it up! Bieng in any kind of relationship is hard. Regardless of circumstance. You are going to get hurt. So pastors, why are you over-protecting your families as if you don't trust God enough to let him handle persecutions from others? We are all going to be presecuted at one time or another, and it's not like I am saying we should be careless and set ourselves up for it. I am just saying that it's time to stop covering everything up all of the time. I am sick of everyone asking me how these people are doing that left the church. If you want to know how they are, call them and ask them! There's a novel concept!

I just don't get it. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a Harry Potter book having to call Voldemort He Who Must Not Be Named or You Know Who when I mention anyone that was involved in said situation. So many times I have been counselled by my pastors that anything worth hiding is probably sinful. So what happened in this situation that makes people want to pretend that it didn't happen? What happened that everyone wants to hide? Seriously. Cause all the covert-ness is doing is making everyone wonder more and more what the truth really is. And, honestly, I don't think anyone has enough gall to really tell it. Everyone seems too afraid. As if keeping it all under wraps will help the situation go away.

Frankly, it's confusing. And I refuse to pretend like it didn't happen. I refuse to pretend like no one got hurt, cause they did. No one ever really said that, but I can see it all over their faces.

Truthfully, all I really want is for the situation to be resolved and for the families to feel free enough to come back to our church. That would be a true testament of the grace you all preach about every week. Live it for the people God entrusted to you! It makes sense to me that what God wants is the truth to come to the surface. I know if that is God's will, the situation will come out no matter what any of us think or say or do. It will keep being addressed in one way or another. And that is my prayer for this situation. May no one be able to rest until God has his way in the hearts of those involved.

Friendships need restored and people need healed. I may not know the whole situation, but I know that much.