I'm sad that I'm flying

So, a lot has happened these past couple of weeks. I have officially decided to move back to Ohio, and the plans have begun. I received a grant from work to move back. And I am so excited! I really am praying that God would guide me to a car and a place to live back in the buckeye state.

I got word from my mom a couple of days ago that my dad has been given only a few days to live. The cancer has spread and he is really drugged up and has trouble recognizing people sometimes. They are keeping him comfortable at least.

I have been crying for two days. Off and on, but I will just randomly burst into sobs thinking about the fact that I really don't want my dad to die yet. But if it's his time to go, I can't be selfish wanting him to stay here on earth when he would be miserable.

At least Justin and I saw him when we were driving out here. I kind of knew it was going to be the last time I saw him. There's no way I can make it back to Indiana before he dies to be with him. The only money I have is from the grant and it won't even cover the move completely. I swear, I am so done with my life being like this.

Done.

God, please take care of my dad and help him to make peace with you before he dies. I trust that you will take care of him. I really need a car and a place to live when I get back to Ohio. Will you provide that for me please? I am going to need a second job to pay rent, and I would like a nannying job to work with kids again, and I am asking you to guide me to the perfect family. Just work it out, dude. I know you've got my best in mind and you'll handle it.