Mixed feelings, folks

I have a lot of mixed feelings right now. I am feeling the release to go back to Columbus, and for that, I am very excited. I am ready to begin a new place in my life.

But I still feel pulled with grief for my parents. The doctor told my dad tonight about the fact that he has spots on his lung that look a little suspicious and could possibly be cancer. And he told my mom that she will probably have to begin kidney dialysis.

And I sat in the chair and I asked God, "Why now? Why am I leaving now?"

This is obvoiusly a lot for them. My dad was really upset. My mom cried as I was leaving, but I left. I told her things will work out in the end. I mean, I don't know what else to do for them. I think they need to figure some of this out on their own now.

I really feel like Columbus is my next step. So I am doing it. I have no idea what is after that, but there you go. And sometimes I get too caught up in that, but God always tells me what I need to do when the time comes. Sometimes it's in the eleventh hour, but hey... It's God. I'm not going to argue.

I just want to get refocused again, you know? I need that right now. I need... I need a safe place to heal.

I'm kind of hurting. My heart hurts, and I can't seem to think straight.