Where did time go? Where did it go? I see people's profiles on facebook whom I went to high school with who will be eternal members of the sophomore brigade, and they have kids. They are married. They live in Nashville, or New York, or Orlando. Time got away from us, because now those kids are grown up and having kids. I wonder how we stop it. Time. It just keeps going.
Every day I live, I am another day closer to seeing Jesus. For most Christians, this is a peaceful thought. Me? It scares the crap out of me. Death really can get me nervous if I think about it too long. And time just keeps going. Someday, we'll be going to see our kids graduate high school and lighting candles at their wedding.
My dad died at 63. I am 30. If I die at 63, that's 33 years from now. And dang it, that's not enough time! I know my dad was an alcoholic and a smoker and I am neither of those things, but death makes you think. There are so many things I still want to do with my life. I have barely scraped the surface of my potential, and I don't want to die before I get to experience more of the goodness of life.
But it's ultimately up to God how that goes down. I remember very clearly a few years ago, when I publicly told God that I would die for him if my life came to that point. Now? Oh, no. Please don't ask that of me. I am not ready to die. At all. Even if it is for the purpose of God's kingdom. Sorry if that makes me a bad person, but I'd be lying if I said I was ready.
I feel so small right now. Like a little speck. And time just keeps marching. Going on and on.